I am heading to the Jersey shore to enjoy the last dregs of summer.
Here are some pix from past years
Hope you all have a fine weekend!

My mom had a bowel obstruction and I spent the last few days in the hospital
with her, she is better now and at home again

I now have swollen glands in my throat the size of walnuts, I feel like shit.
I think I picked it up in the ER while we waited there.

I have peppers to freeze, the garden is productive and beautiful!

On Thurs we leave to go to the Jersey shore for the weekend,
I love it there off season.
My favorite thing to do there is get up early and go to the beach
and look for beach glass (sea glass)
This is what I found last time.

I want a good little pocket/carving knife to whittle with,
I want to carve little baskets out of peach pits,
like the one pictured below on the dolls hand

After I master a basket maybe I will try other things.
This video is a wonderful introduction to a man who carves peach pits.
This video is a beautiful masterpiece.

I love to post photos on Streamzoo, they have a few fun filters for your photos
but what I like is the community.
Streamzoo is like the Xanga for photos, they have a lot of community interaction.
HERE is my Streamzoo page.

There is a tag going around there recently for a
ColorOfNatureCollage
I loved the ones showing up and asked someone how they did it,
he told me he used the PhotoShake App.
I downloaded the app and used photos I had on my phone,
Maybe I would've picked different pics
if I had access to them when I was doing this.
Here is my first photo collage.

Thank you for all the footprints you have put in my life.

When we planned a homecoming for my husband's siblings and all the offspring
we wanted to do things the older ones did as kids.

food and fellowship

time for cousins to play together and learn to know one another

a hayride

a creek walk

and watermelon cooled in the spring.

I am sure the memories made that day will last a lifetime.

When I go to church I usually sit in the back at a table so I can doodle,

I do listen better with my hands occupied (ADD).
My mind wanders if I am not focused on something,
and doodling does not take effort.

When they sing I usually go closer to join in,
yesterday I looked around the congregation as we were singing
and felt a nudge to go stand by a young woman in our church from Chile,
who moved here to get married to a young man from our congregation,
they are the sweetest couple and recently had their first baby.
I walked over and stood with her and touched her hand,
she looked at my face and immediately hugged me and started sobbing,
she held on so tight and sobbed.
In between gulps and hiccups she said "I miss my family so much."
I just rubbed her back and let her snot up my dress.
We went out so she could catch her  breath
and calm down and I prayed with her.
She later told that she needed someone she was close with
to let all that out and she believes God had me go to her at the right moment.

After I posted about not going to church ,
I received some very encouraging comments
and that helped me to go to church on Sunday,
and that in turn, blessed someone in a special way.
Now that is amazing.

Here is a group photo of the family from our Homecoming yesterday.
We were missing 16 people to make it a complete family photo.

My husband is one of five children
plus two international brothers from India who are as brothers to them,
this is most of the family ....so far!

Today is the family homecoming.
We planned to do things the older ones did as kids,
simple games, a creek walk and watermelon cooled in the spring.
What fun!

 

A few years ago I stopped going to my church regularly.
I got burned out.
I never doubted my faith and I continue to commune with God through Jesus.
I know it hurt some people that I had regular fellowship with
and I know that some of them believe that I'm sinning in not going to church
or that a sin in my life causes me not to go to church.
I know some do not judge me, but really miss me.
Some do not know what to say to me.
A few have called to ask if there is anything they can do for me ,
some sent cards.
Elmer ,my good friend who will be 94, put his arm around me and said
"Whatever it is, God understands"
That meant the world to me.

I go to church sometimes and still do some of the things I did ,
like put together the Christmas Eve Tea and do things for people as needed.
My husband is an Elder in the church and faithful in attending,
his family started our little country church.

I am very blunt and will say what needs saying
and I have done that more than a few times at church,
offending sensitive people in speaking plain truth.
I always appreciated the plain truth spoken to me
but I have learned very few people like it or can accept it
or will speak it to me.
Do not ask me how a dress looks if you do not want to know if
it is not the most flattering garment you own.
Do not send your kids with me if you do not want me to correct them.
If they come home all offended because I called them out on something,
ask me what I said, I will be honest and tell you even if it was not nice.
For every time I have called them out on something,
there was twenty other times I encouraged them.
If your child sits on the food counter where we are serving/selling food
I will ask them kindly to not sit on the food counter (that's gross)
the second time I will tell them to get their arse off of the food counter,
and if they keep doing it,
yes- I will remove them from the work area
and
no- they will not receive any of the money raised that that day
towards their account for the mission trip.
If your daughter lays her head on a boys lap I will ask her to not do that,
if she continues to do it I will stop the van and rearrange the seating.
Yes, she will be embarrassed and come home and cry.
But when that same girl couldn't afford a swimsuit
for the youth group swimming party
I took her shopping and bought her a swimsuit.
When the kids all needed passports for a mission trip,
I picked them up and took them to get them.
When one girl loved to read but
  wasn't allowed out by herself to go to the library,
I took her to the library weekly.

But for people who can't deal with correction
or having their children corrected,
they do not see the thousands of kindnesses
they do remember the time I corrected their child,
even ten years later...that's the moment they remember.

I know this because I just talked to  woman
who is still mad at me for correcting her child  ten yrs ago.
Did she remember that when they had no money I took groceries
or when she was pregnant I came over and cleaned out her oven
and brought my sewing machine and did her mending?
Does she remember that I gave up my weekend at a retreat
and watched her kids so she could go because she needed a break?
No.
I corrected her kid and made her kid cry.
When she confronted me about it I told her the truth about her kid
and she broke down and cried too,
but all she remembers is that I made them both cry.
that is what she remembers.

Still.

I got tired of that shit.
just tired.

I know I need fellowship, but I am too tired to go to church.
It hurts me to feel like that.
I know it hurts my husband to go alone
my little nephew asks me every week if I am going this week,
he loves to sit with me.

I am not mad or unforgiving...
I am just still tired.

Everyone is running all over the place working like field hands

getting ready for the Homecoming.
One of my jobs yesterday was to paint the old metal glider and chairs.

Dave sent me a text about paint,
I replied, still laugh about this one

We scraped and painted the metal lawn chairs and glider,
See the old shithouse in the back,
it's a double seater.

Everyone is working hard except Cider...

My mom gets terribly dizzy when she stands up, moves fast ,
makes sudden movements or lays without a pillow.
She went to the Dr who sent her to the Eye,Nose and Ear Specialist
who ran a few tests and then sent her to a Neurologist
who ordered a few tests.
We went to get the catscan, the appt was at 12 so we got there at 11:45.
The catscan was for her neck because after everything else was ruled out,
he thinks it may be arthritis in her neck causing the problem.
Medicare denied the codes given for the catscan.
The woman checking us in called Medicare
and then she called the Neurologist for a new code.
They gave her a few more, none worked.
The tech said it was recently changed and that a month ago
the code would have been accepted.

I had told the Dr that my mom has headaches sometimes
and that we had a history of brain tumors in the family.
My sister and two cousins all had brain tumors removed and survived
and my mom's sister
died from a brain tumor at thirty years old.
Nothing worked ,we waited until 3:30 and then left.
They said they would do the catscan if she paid out of pocket $2000.

The Neurologist asked us why we did not get the Catscan
and we told him it was denied,
he said he thinks it is arthritis, told her to take
Alpha Lipoic Acid and sent her on her way.
Gotta love all the changes made to Medicare.

I watched my nieces yesterday
This is Lu

Lu remembered that I had a birthday and kept saying
Happy Birthday Bessie!
She wanted to make me a cake!
Her sisters helped her make me a beautiful mud pie!

 

We live in the farmhouse where my husband and his family grew up.

We are having a homecoming for his siblings,
their children and grand children.
Ninety people are expected for the day, we will take a wagon ride to the creek,
play in the creek and eat watermelon.
Do the things with the grand kids
that the grand parents did when they were kids on the farm.
We will take lots of pictures all day longand have a slide show in the evening.

I did not do much to the downstairs after Ida died,
the kitchen looks the same

We put tables in the living room to make it like a cafe
so we can host the employee dinners and family get togethers.

I wanted to keep it as it was for as long as I could,
I want it to always feel like home when they walk in.

 

My husband Dave was feeling down and I wanted to encourage him
so I sent him a bible verse text

Isaiah 61:3 To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion,
to give unto them beauty for ashes,
the oil of joy for mourning,
the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
that they might be called trees of righteousness,
the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.

I use speech-to-text on my phone sometimes
I said
"Put on the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness"
  that is not what the phone heard ...

Well I guess if the latter did not work , the former would.
(He's never had a beer in his whole Mennonite life!)

I keep thinking I should blog about the weekend and the cabin party
but I am still a little overwhelmed by it all.

All that love is a lot to absorb and process.

For those of you who grew up abused in some way or hurting
you know that it is almost impossible to accept that someone loves you ,
it is easier to not accept it, so then they can't hurt you.

I know that was a tool I used to get by
when I could not figure out another way.
  I know that I am well loved now
(and even then when I could not accept it)
I know that, but to let it in to where I feel it is a process.

There comes a reckoning day
when you have to open your eyes after being in the dark,
the light hurts your eyes,
you could stay in the dark but the light is so beautiful
even though the dark feels safe, familiar .

Here and now, a lump in my throat and a stream of tears down my face,
it is a little hard to breathe and I am all snotty faced
it hurts,
but I know why...

it is raw

 allowing love to replace pain that was locked away
since only God knows how long

 a mix of many emotions that are safe to flow because
they are in the presence of love

It is a trade off
the love tank that was supposed to fill with love
was filled with pain and now
I'm trading the pain for the love 
that I'm now allowing into my live

 healing

I am blessed to be so loved

Thank you

A special thanks to
@jsolberg for the birthday email I received first thing this morning
@saintvi and @murisopsis for the beautiful words.
For Seedsower On Her 50th Birthday
Looking at Good Seeds Sown

 to @dingdongdingbat and @m_elmer_48
for the Birthday wishers in their posts
@Plantinthewindow and @chronic_masticator
for the pulses.

I love you too.

The same farm in West Almond NY as the above post
but more of the scene.

 

 

By the way this farm had some blue tarps
that I got rid of in photoshop

 

I saw this barn on the way to Al_son's cabin in West Almond NY.
I am supposed to post photos of the the racier activities but well
 this is the one that caught my eye to edit first.

Which do you like best, color

or black and white?

for @Vexations
 

On Route 66 there are some places where graffiti is allowed.
Remember to bring Spray Paint and have a ball.

Cadillac Ranch and Slug Bug Ranch

The Cadillac Ranch, located in a pasture west of Amarillo Texas
was built in 1974 by Stanley Marsh III. 
You'll find 10 graffiti spattered Cadillacs ranging in age from 1949-1963.

 
  
 

Slug Bug Ranch is a quirky version of Cadillac Ranch.

After reading all the love posted in the Confessions
I felt like sharing this beautiful song with you

If you cant see it here it is.
The Book Of Love- Peter Gabriel

My favorite love song is The Battle Hymn of Love,
this was filmed in Yosemite, I just love it.
If you hate country/bluegrass nevermind.

 

Here is the audio of it
The Battle Hymn of Love
by Kathy Mattea and Tim O'Brien

What's your favorite love song?

When I first joined Xanga I did not realize
that you could comment people you did not know!
I followed a few kids from the youth group in our church to Xanga
to comment on their sites.
One day I noticed the front page and commented on thetheologianscafe
and soon after that I was all over Xanga, in every corner.
I would spend 6-8 hrs on Xanga in the evening after supper,
sometimes I did not go to sleep at all.
I became so addicted to Xanga that I went to see a counselor,
I had to get it in balance with my life.
I got it down to 3 hrs a day but I was hooked!

I never did reply to comments unless I had something to say,
I was on here before that feature was introduced.
I used to return comment for comment but then I could not keep up
and that made me feel so guilty,
I was spending hours returning comments and obsessed with it
so finally I narrowed it down to 50 comments a day.

Since 2009 I have worked through a lot of repressed issues I had from abuse,
after that I was depressed for a year.
Now that I am better I am trying to spend more time with my family
and less time on the computer.
That is where I am at for the last 18 months ,
I do not blog as often and I am not commenting a lot.

If you want returned comments or recs from me right now
than do not  give me comments or recs
because I just can not return them all or be on here like I was.
For those of you who visit because you like me
and want to see my photos or are interested in what I have to post,
thank you.

Here are most of the profile photos I have used since 2006

   

 
 



and sometimes I use my boobs...
 

I am not participating in the contest
to see who can get to 100 comments the quickest
but I wonder
what title to a post will generate traffic and comments the fastest?

Something mentioning Xanga , boobs or sex will do it.

What else?

The Wigwam Motel is a classic Route 66 Icon in Holbrook AZ,
@Saintvi and I stopped in to get photos last year on our
Xanga Chicks on Route 66 roadtrip.

 
I knew I wanted to go back there with Dave and the twins,
I called Dave to tell him that it was my dream to do that,
and he made my dream a reality in less than a year!

 

 

 

I read THIS post by @mtngirlsouth
inspired by @intothewind1

and I followed suit.

I did not really have confessions so I just wrote
some things to a few special Xangans but did not mention their names.
I could have written a hundred things and then some.
I hope you know who you are!

1. Where there is you and me there is laughter,
I think of you everyday. I miss you and love you!

2. You bless me with your friendship and laughter,
I wish we lived closer so we could spend more time together.
I miss you and love you too!

3. You are amazing, when I get to spend time with you I feel
like you are a part of me and always have been,
I do not feel any boundaries or walls, just pure connection,
I miss you and love you!

4. You are  strong, beautiful, creative, loving and compassionate.
I love your honesty and am so glad for your friendship.
I miss you and love you....
and you are a professional cake maker and baker!

5. You took me into your family when I needed to be loved,
I had poured out all my love over people in my life
and was in need of refreshment and you gave that to me.
Thank you for accepting me into your life.
I love you!

6.When I could not see myself, you did.
Everyday you showed me piece by piece who I was
you shared my pain and stood in the gap until I could do it for myself.
I will always love you.

7. You listened and checked in on me daily for a long time,
you remain dear to my heart and I love you.

8. You get my photos, we are very similar.
I especially love to see what you see behind your lens,
simply amazing.

9. You are an amazing writer and a truly sweet person,
You , me and Rum Raisin ice cream have a date next summer!

10.Seeing a smile on your face makes me smile from ear to ear,
I am so pleased that you found your true love!

11. You have written the most beautiful story I have ever read,
you know how to weave words into a beautiful tapestry,
  you are so gifted.

12.You have been around here since before me
and I have never seen you be less than a gentleman,
you are a wonderful Xangan and add a lot to the community.

To all of you:
We make for one another a community that cares, shares ,encourages;
a place to express ourselves,
a place to belong.

I didn't mention my crush
but I guess all of Xanga knows  I love @Jsolberg.

I wrote how I feel about our Xanga community HERE

I love to photograph doubles.
I really like to get images of more than one double or "Twin Doubles"

I saw these girls on the Santa Monica Pier
 

I have a few other twin doubles...

In a few days I'll be 50,
I like the sound of 50.
The 40's were good,
I'v changed in many ways over the last decade
  and I have had to work through a lot of the past.
My core beliefs were challenged and I have struggled
but my faith remains.
I hope the 50's are a little more settled.

I feel good, no real aches or pains
but I do have unrelenting  psoriasis that flares up everywhere.
I have had it almost constantly since I was 12.
I have three different topical meds
that I use for different places
(Taclonex is $980.00 for 100g or 3.5 oz)
and it keeps it under control ...it's a nasty affliction.
I have a few other health issues too but overall I feel good.

I started riding bike a year ago and hope to get better at distance,
I can do 20 miles or so of easy trails.

Anyway, I am looking forward to 50.

What has been your favorite age so far?

@Saintvi posted a year ago today HERE
A year ago Vi and I were on our
Xanga Chicks on Rt 66 Road Trip

Road Trip: Winslow Arizona,On a Corner
My Favorite band in Jr-Sr High was The Eagles,
followed closely by The Steve Miller Band.
The Eagles sang a song "Take it Easy"

Well, I'm a standing on a corner
in Winslow, Arizona
and such a fine sight to see
It's a girl, my Lord, in a flatbed
Ford slowin' down to take a look at me
Come on, baby, don't say maybe
I gotta know if your sweet love is
gonna save me
We may lose and we may win though
we will never be here again
so open up, I'm climbin' in,
so take it easy

OK so it was late and I was sweaty, not such a fine sight to see
but I always, always wanted to stand on a corner in Winslow Arizona
and sing this. My heart sank when there were people congregated there
but you know what,I sang anyway! I really enjoyed that stop,
a few minutes at a small corner in the US of A ,
a little piece of Americana on Route 66

Read more about Standin' on the Corner Park
Read more about our trip HERE