April 8, 2013

  • On Happiness

    I used to blog everyday, sometimes twice a day, for sure three times a week.
    My camera is still broken and I am not inspired right now but
    also I have been going out of the house a lot more.

    When I look back over the years
    I think I was depressed a lot longer than I realized, for quite a few years.
    Whenever I had a spare moment all I wanted to do was sit,
    I was productive in many ways and did what I had to do
    but I had no energy, I wasn't motivated and I was easily frustrated.
    I felt a constant sadness even though I tried to be happy
    and tried to be content wherever I was.
      That took some work but I kept this verse in mind

    give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
    1 Thessalonians 5:18

    That verse helped me to look past the obvious,
    past myself and see the good in things
    when I would otherwise let bad circumstances get the best of me.

    My frustration level was high
    and it did not take a lot for me to become frustrated,
    I had no where to go with more frustration, I had all I could contain.
    With the help of good counseling and much prayer
    I've processed the feelings from the past
    that I had repressed and have sorted through so much of what was there.
    I have cleared the area, when frustrating things happen now
    I have room to process them.
    I feel better than I remember feeling in a long time.
    I feel much happier from the inside out
    and have more energy and motivation.

    There are things to do that help you to be a happier person in general
    This article is from Chiara Fucarino found HERE


    1. Don’t hold grudges.

    Happy people understand that it’s better to forgive and forget than to let their negative feelings crowd out their positive feelings. Holding a grudge has a lot of detrimental effects on your wellbeing, including increased depression, anxiety, and stress. Why let anyone who has wronged you have power over you? If you let go of all your grudges, you’ll gain a clear conscience and enough energy to enjoy the good things in life.

    2. Treat everyone with kindness.

    Did you know that it has been scientifically proven that being kind makes you happier? Every time you perform a selfless act, your brain produces serotonin, a hormone that eases tension and lifts your spirits. Not only that, but treating people with love, dignity, and respect also allows you to build stronger relationships.

    3. See problems as challenges.

    The word “problem” is never part of a happy person’s vocabulary. A problem is viewed as a drawback, a struggle, or an unstable situation while a challenge is viewed as something positive like an opportunity, a task, or a dare. Whenever you face an obstacle, try looking at it as a challenge.

    4. Express gratitude for what they already have.

    There’s a popular saying that goes something like this: “The happiest people don’t have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.” You will have a deeper sense of contentment if you count your blessings instead of yearning for what you don’t have.

    5. Dream big.

    People who get into the habit of dreaming big are more likely to accomplish their goals than those who don’t. If you dare to dream big, your mind will put itself in a focused and positive state.

    6. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

    Happy people ask themselves, “Will this problem matter a year from now?” They understand that life’s too short to get worked up over trivial situations. Letting things roll off your back will definitely put you at ease to enjoy the more important things in life.

    7. Speak well of others.

    Being nice feels better than being mean. As fun as gossiping is, it usually leaves you feeling guilty and resentful. Saying nice things about other people encourages you to think positive, non-judgmental thoughts.

    8. Never make excuses.

    Benjamin Franklin once said, “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” Happy people don’t make excuses or blame others for their own failures in life. Instead, they own up to their mistakes and, by doing so, they proactively try to change for the better.

    9. Get absorbed into the present.

    Happy people don’t dwell on the past or worry about the future. They savor the present. They let themselves get immersed in whatever they’re doing at the moment. Stop and smell the roses.

    10. Wake up at the same time every morning.

    Have you noticed that a lot of successful people tend to be early risers? Waking up at the same time every morning stabilizes your circadian rhythm, increases productivity, and puts you in a calm and centered state.

    11. Avoid social comparison.

    Everyone works at his own pace, so why compare yourself to others? If you think you’re better than someone else, you gain an unhealthy sense of superiority. If you think someone else is better than you, you end up feeling bad about yourself. You’ll be happier if you focus on your own progress and praise others on theirs.

    12. Choose friends wisely.

    Misery loves company. That’s why it’s important to surround yourself with optimistic people who will encourage you to achieve your goals. The more positive energy you have around you, the better you will feel about yourself.

    13. Never seek approval from others.

    Happy people don’t care what others think of them. They follow their own hearts without letting naysayers discourage them. They understand that it’s impossible to please everyone. Listen to what people have to say, but never seek anyone’s approval but your own.

    14. Take the time to listen.

    Talk less; listen more. Listening keeps your mind open to others’ wisdoms and outlooks on the world. The more intensely you listen, the quieter your mind gets, and the more content you feel.

    15. Nurture social relationships.

    A lonely person is a miserable person. Happy people understand how important it is to have strong, healthy relationships. Always take the time to see and talk to your family, friends, or significant other.

    16. Meditate.

    Meditating silences your mind and helps you find inner peace. You don’t have to be a zen master to pull it off. Happy people know how to silence their minds anywhere and anytime they need to calm their nerves.

    17. Eat well.

    Junk food makes you sluggish, and it’s difficult to be happy when you’re in that kind of state. Everything you eat directly affects your body’s ability to produce hormones, which will dictate your moods, energy, and mental focus. Be sure to eat foods that will keep your mind and body in good shape.

    18. Exercise.

    Studies have shown that exercise raises happiness levels just as much as Zoloft does. Exercising also boosts your self-esteem and gives you a higher sense of self-accomplishment.

    19. Live minimally.

    Happy people rarely keep clutter around the house because they know that extra belongings weigh them down and make them feel overwhelmed and stressed out. Some studies have concluded that Europeans are a lot happier than Americans are, which is interesting because they live in smaller homes, drive simpler cars, and own fewer items.

    20. Tell the truth.

    Lying stresses you out, corrodes your self-esteem, and makes you unlikeable. The truth will set you free. Being honest improves your mental health and builds others’ trust in you. Always be truthful, and never apologize for it.

    21. Establish personal control.

    Happy people have the ability to choose their own destinies. They don’t let others tell them how they should live their lives. Being in complete control of one’s own life brings positive feelings and a great sense of self-worth.

    22. Accept what cannot be changed.

    Once you accept the fact that life is not fair, you’ll be more at peace with yourself. Instead of obsessing over how unfair life is, just focus on what you can control and change it for the better.

    I am still working on myself, now I'm working on the physical
    more than the emotional.
    I miss blogging and hope to return to it as I can,
     I need to be up and about more now at this point in my life.
    I think of all my friends here often,
    I read updates at night when all is quiet.
     I pray for you , mentioning many names as I think of you.

    I continuing on my healing journey.

Comments (44)

  • Thank you for sharing this, Beth!

  • Wait! Its' Monday morning!

  • Great post, Beth!!!  I struggle with this, myself.  I think most of us do.  Nobody more than my beautiful wife of more than 28 years, though.  She has stated a goal of being more optimistic, but it is very hard for her,  She can be given 99 compliments and barely register them, but one word of criticism sends her crashing into a wall of Depression, because negative thoughts of who she is register all too well, and strike to the very core of her being.

  • As someone who has severe clinical depression (an actual medical condition, not a situational or behavioral problem) I have to disagree with the sweeping generalization made here. No matter what I do to try to fix it, there is no way out. Medication, diet, exercise, changing my surroundings/friends, everything; I've tried it all. 

    Trust me, if I could just choose to NOT feel this way I would. It's not that easy. Sorry, but this post is totally offensive to those of us who actually have medically induced depression that's beyond our control. 

  • @secretbeerreporter - I was not saying that choosing happiness cures depression, I was diagnosed with depression as well and was in counseling for a few years, but my choices helped me to keep going. So sorry to have offended you.

  • Good advice. I hope you are doing well!

  • 1 Thessalonians 5:17  -  I believed that one for the longest time, but since have given up.

  • good post Beth, you are like the Oprah of Xanga.

    good advise

    you are needed on Xanga;you're a breath of fresh air.

  • that's a good list ~ so true.
    i've struggled w/ depression and know it's a hard pit to get out of, but by God's grace, we can!
    hoping you feel a special encouragement today that you are loved and needed!!

  • @Texasjillcarmel - Oprah of Xanga, I completely agree

  • @ShimmerBodyCream - Remember in the Xanga Confessions when someone said it annoyed them that I thought I was the Oprah of Xanga? I posted THIS

  • @seedsower - Secretbee.... is angry and didn't really read the words in your post.  I did.  I have been and I am depressed...I deal with it every day.  Great post!

  • Yay happiness! The outside becomes easier to work on once the inside feels better!

  • @seedsower - I missed that -that is so funny Beth. You don't take yourself too seriously and that is a good quality!

  • This reminds me of something I heard once: Even if I found out tomorrow there was no God, I wouldn't change a thing about the way I live because the precepts found in the Bible are right and good and true for life and well-being. Pretty much all the things you listed are biblically-based...just worded differently.
    While it is true that many of us need medication to deal with mental health issues, medicine can only go so far in the healing process. Right thinking is essential!
    Also, (sorry to ramble), I saw 1 Thess. in actions lately. I was so unhappy with the house we are living in and was constantly searching for a new one. When a deal on a new house fell through, I was devastated. I heard a preacher say that giving thanks could change our attitude. So I started thanking God for this house. Yes, the closets are small and the layout is not the best, but I love the many windows. Thank you, God, for the windows. Thank you for the pretty fixtures. Thank you for the wood floors. Thank you for the convenient location. Thank you that the previous owner planted tons of perennials...etc. Pretty soon I grew to love this little house!
    All that to say...good blog. Enjoy your time out and about and living life to the fullest. Blessings on you and yours...

  • I Love You More 

    @weedorwildflower - I'm going to start thanking God for my house right now...sometimes I forget to pray for things that I need to change.

  • For me what finally kicked depression's butt was to absorb what I should have known all my life: my past, present, and future sins are all covered by Jesus' blood, and God really does like me, he doesn't just put up with me. Once I could quit floundering in guilt, I discovered that I was by nature a very cheerful person.

  • what a wonderful post!

  • In a way we live in a Post Church age and now attend the forum/discussion group of the internet.

    The internet brings all sorts of people together and we are not exactly model citizens.

    Seedsower is very perservering trying hard to achieve her own goals and still reporting them here at xanga. I would hope to humbly try to do similar things that all xangians do. Congratulations to Seedsower for being a great cheerleader here at xanga.

  • For sure! @ShimmerBodyCream - 

    Really, thank you so much for sharing those excellent reminders with us. 

  • It's great that you have shared this with your xanga friends. It is excellent advise

    I have watched you change over the years I have known you. You have blossomed into a women I am proud to know You will always remain a very special part of our family. I love our Josie!

  • Reading or seeing your entries always seems to be a bright spot the moments I can spare to check it out. 

  • Thank you for this!

  • I just read that same article last week online!

    My yardwork is put off for today due to rain so hoping to get my little garden plot dug up tomorrow.  I did get the mulch down under the big spruce tree in the front yard though.  
    It's easy to fall into the comparing trap and I had to learn NOT to do that over the last few years, especially when you see some people who don't even try to be a Christian but yet seem to "have everything going their way".  
    I now know to be content and grateful for what I have and the blessings that come my way in marked down items at the grocery store, thrift store, and other places, where my money ends up going much further than I would ever have thought, in spite of "not having a good job" anymore . 

  • I cannot even begin to tell you how freaking thankful I am that you allow me to be a part of your journey. You have endured and overcome mountains.  It's so good to see you take control over your destiny and happiness. 

    I have to say #21 was a hard one for me, for it meant releasing someone from my life I truly love.  HARDEST THING EVER.  But, I am feeling the freedom now, the release has finally allowed me to breath and follow my own passions without guilt. 

    Me and Crohns are working on #22. 

    I love you, Beth. 

  • Your Nikon DSLR is broken?  Do you know what is wrong? Are you getting it fixed or just buy a new one?

  • I have missed you! I thought that with Spring here you were busy sowing seeds... I hope these seeds of wisdom can flourish in your life and produce good fruit! I'll be looking forward to your next post! Hugs to you!

  • Thank you so much for sharing and I wish you happiness and joy on your journey.

  • I'm sorry that you're feeling out of sorts and was depressed. I am missing your new blogs, but your old ones cheer me up. I hope you feel better soon.

  • Good tips. I didn't know you went counselling for depression. Hugs.

  • I gave your site an A!

  • Thank you for being so honest.  I have not had to deal with depression, but several of my girls have.  I'm glad you are happier now.  I'd love to meet you someday.

  • Wow, do I need that reminder. I need to re read that multiple times a day, maybe paste it to my fridge :) You are always kind, Beth. I hope this relief from depression is here to stay, you deserve happiness.

  • this is wonderful, Beth.  I'm glad for you, and for us who know you.  and all of these things are true, even some that might be surprising to some people.

    I'm glad that you are in my life!  : )
    j.

  • You included some wonderful tips. 
    I'm still a work in progress.  I should probably pay more attention to my physical side than I do.

  • Thank you for sharing your journey with us! It encourages us and helps us! We are all fellow strugglers. The things you shared here are vital! As I continue to work on myself, I look for the joys in each day...things like a bird singing, the rain, a stranger's smile, a kind word, someone holding the door for me at the Post Office... so many things!
    HUGS!!!

  • Great post.  I haven't been on Xanga much but reading this and all the comments makes me want to come back!  Hope you are doing well.

  • I just read this again; it is very relevant to my life right now.  I will be moving to another State Friday, without my wife.  I wish that was not the case, but I just have to deal with it.  I will try to improve myself, and my life, and hope that everything works out in the end.  I guess it will, one way or another.

    I'm glad that you are in a better place than you used to be.

  • @lonelywanderer2 - I am sorry that you are in this situation, I pray for the best.

  • @seedsower - Thank you.  I really appreciate your prayers.

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