August 16, 2012

• Processing Love

  I keep thinking I should blog about the weekend and the cabin party
  but I am still a little overwhelmed by it all.

  All that love is a lot to absorb and process.

  

  For those of you who grew up abused in some way or hurting
  you know that it is almost impossible to accept that someone loves you ,
  it is easier to not accept it, so then they can't hurt you.

  I know that was a tool I used to get by
  when I could not figure out another way.
    I know that I am well loved now
  (and even then when I could not accept it)
  I know that, but to let it in to where I feel it is a process.

  There comes a reckoning day
  when you have to open your eyes after being in the dark,
  the light hurts your eyes,
  you could stay in the dark but the light is so beautiful
  even though the dark feels safe, familiar .

  Here and now, a lump in my throat and a stream of tears down my face,
  it is a little hard to breathe and I am all snotty faced
  it hurts,
  but I know why...

  it is raw

   allowing love to replace pain that was locked away
  since only God knows how long

   a mix of many emotions that are safe to flow because
  they are in the presence of love

  It is a trade off
  the love tank that was supposed to fill with love
  was filled with pain and now
  I'm trading the pain for the love 
  that I'm now allowing into my live

   healing

  I am blessed to be so loved

  Thank you

  A special thanks to
  @jsolberg for the birthday email I received first thing this morning
  @saintvi and @murisopsis for the beautiful words.
  For Seedsower On Her 50th Birthday
  Looking at Good Seeds Sown
  
   to @dingdongdingbat and @m_elmer_48
  for the Birthday wishers in their posts
  @Plantinthewindow and @chronic_masticator
  for the pulses.

  I love you too.

  • 11:57 pm
  • 65 Comments