October 13, 2011
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On Sharing My Sins
I have always been open about my faults, issues, struggles and past
(I posted a story about the seedy side of my past HERE).
Somehow I feel like I am not honest with folks if they think I am sweet
but they do not know about my faults.Even here on Xanga, since you can't see me,
I make sure to announce to one and all that I am overweight,
just so you have no surprises should we ever meet.How much should we make known about our mistakes and faults?
I have always laid it all out thinking
"The past will come back to bit you in the ass eventually"
Not much stays hidden.I have no problem telling someone else all my sins,
I do not mention names if others are involved
and I might not make them all public
but on a one to one basis I am an open book for the most part.I wonder if sometimes I am challenging others to see past the good
to see if they will still like me
and I wonder if I have done that with the weight as well.
If they like me when I am fat then they "LIKE ME".I do not think most people I talk to are like me in this way,
I wonder if it is just how I am or if there is an unhealthy compulsion behind it.I think I do it for these reasons
1. To be seen as I am, "the good, the bad and the ugly".
2. I know people can identify with me when they know my struggles.
3. My life is what it is and I own it.
4.I feel guilty for some reason if I think someone only sees the good,
it is like I have to show the bad too.How much do you feel comfortable sharing about
your mistakes, bad choices, flaws, sins?
Comments (40)
I'm very open about all aspects of my life. I don't volunteer about my past very often because I don't think about my past very often. As a general rule I'm focused on the present and less so on the immediate future and even less on the distant future.
Like you, I'm good, I'm bad, and I'm ugly. It is who I am and that is that. rofl
I'll share anything. But I don't think people would be that interested, and spilling my guts isn't the main reason I blog. Unless my experiences include some relevant point to relate, I'll spare everyone the boring exploits.
I am very open and honest with people when the situation calls for it, more in a private converstion rather than in a public way. I think being honest about past sins, flaws, and bad choices helps you to let go of the power they have over you.
i think the real issue is liking ourselves and being comfortable in our own skin ...
There are things I used to tell people about myself that I don't anymore because I found that some people aren't trustworthy. But it is helpful for people to have a complete picture, I think. I still am transparent in safe circles, like my men's Bible study.
Certain experiences supposedly help others and other times we sympathize with each other. Blog experiences help to build up each other's humanity and genuiness but the personality takes a while to form on the internet. Good luck with your experiments on xanga, life and the great unknown.
I don't put a lot of my past mistakes out here for all to see - mostly because they aren't that interesting... I think you are wonderful just as you are!
Im glad you are sharing this.
It won't change anything negatively for me knowing what you struggle with.
I will cherish you and respect you even more probably.
Some people have said to me things on here to imply that I am a people pleaser and spineless. But really anybody who gets to know me finds this is not true at all. I used to be so confrontational and proud in my youth, I just don't have the need to stir the waters as much anymore. I would rather pick my battles carefully. But I do love and want to know where I stand with people. I prefer straightforward honesty than sweeping things under rug. If I hurt somebody or am doing something someone doesn't like, I want to know so I can grow and hopefully not bother them as much anymore, if possible.
So bring it on. I know we all have flaws, but you are an inspiration here. I look forward to reading more about you.
Ps I'm overweight right now too. And I love myself more than I did stick skinny
It isn't thefirst time I've been either, and I'm working on it very hard for my heart sake.
But I'm like you. Want people to know the truth and they can choose to walk away if they want.
Bc our self worth not based on others opinions anyway so cest la vie!
If that's your seedy side, I can't imagine you have anything to worry about. I have faults and I admit them too. I don't like secrets and keeping faults a secret feels wrong. I think my worst fault is probably that I like debating and am fierce when it comes to women's rights issues. And I speed every time I'm on the freeway. Like I want to go 120, but I make myself only do 10 miles above the speed limit. That doesn't sound like a real fault, but if I crashed at 120 the potential of me killing someone is very real... hence I don't go that fast even though I want to.
Well, actually my worst fault is that I can't be nice to be mean or judgmental people. I just can't.
We have all sinned, and fallen short. Do I blog about it? NO. Not because I am ashamed, but my past is just that my past. We all have struggles with various things, I tend to talk to God about those things. He is much wiser, and has ALL the answers for me. It does help however to belong to a small group, like Roadkill Spatula. Everything is easier to open up about in a small group of fellowship...You are fine, just the way you are..
I am generally very comfortable sharing nearly everything. I avoid people who make me feel like I can't or shouldn't share those things. Maybe that's why I have so few real friends. HA.
i don't randomly tell people about my past because its not always smart, but i do tell parts of it if i feel like it will help someone
What?...you are not perfect?...oh well neither am I...I don't think there is anyone other than our Big Brother that is or was or will be...we can only keep on trying and if'n that means that we make mistakes or sin along the way we have choices...learn from it and go on or keep banging our heads against the wall...I pollute...my daughter is down to a 3X now...I think it is all the chasing after Prince Charming but I's not gonna tell her that...just that I'm proud of her...so I's out there too...you are who you is and I is who I is and all our freinds is who they is...accept them for what they are for life is short enough as it is...Smile
I confess easily my faults , too much easily perhaps . But I do not understand you; Beth . You are admired in Xangaland.
Love
Michel
I only share that stuff if it's funny.
The good thing about such openness is that if somebody happened to know something juicy about your past, they wouldn't be able to blackmail you. Not that I... er... anyone would ever dream of blackmailing you!
We want to be good, we do good deeds, but on the inside, we may not be that good, so we feel guilty.
Oh my Beth, we all have the good, the bad and the ugly I try to share some of my on line contact with my wife and she gets hyper! Why would any one want to share with strangers she comments! She fells the internet is a waste of time, socialization should be done in you everyday life, face to face not on the world wide web for all to see! There are people in our community who would love to have someone to talk to and you spend your time talking to someone that chances are you will never see face to face. In other words get a life Joe!
She said the same thing when I had my Hams license. She felt it was a total waste of time so I wound up selling all my gear! I will not give up my Blog or my on line contacts! I like you for you, good and bad have a great evening girl!
@TiredSoVeryTired - I like to go about 95 , I love to be on the open road at 110!
@boydcreek - Awww, thank you! <3
I don't care to share very much about me...I'm too boring...I even bore myself sometimes. You, on the other hand, have so much to offer and share with the world, and you are so loved!
I do regret letting the gypsies take you away....let everybody just wonder about that!
I'm a tell all, for the sake of putting others at ease and to make it more comfortable for others to be themselves around me. Too many folks tend to put me up on a pedestal, and I am quick to take myself off of it, before I get stoned down. Been there, it wasn't pretty.
Esp open with my children, if they look at me as perfect, when they do make a rotten choice, I want them to have the freedom to come to me when they need help, and not feel as though they need to be perfect. My son just got a speeding ticket yesterday afternoon, $350. He was pretty bummed with himself, but was able to come to me w/o fear of being ripped, and we were able to talk it through. It's so much easier on the other side of 18.
PS~ I love you.
I am with you on reasons 1-3. That is why some people are able to be honest with and about themselves. It is not some defect of character; it is character.
You are complicated. People don't have to know all your "flaws" to enjoy what you share and benefit from what you have to say. We also don't have a right to expect you or anyone else to be perfect.
Here's what I think (not that you asked) would be the main problems with sharing and hiding: sharing every little wart hoping that people go away from you and sharing absolutely nothing so that you are not real. Somewhere in the middle.
Now I'm going to go read your dirty secrets. (which I'm virtually positive are child's play compared to mine which are probably child's play compared to someone else's. It's all relative.)
i grew up with a parent who always pointed out my faults. So now I have a habit of pointing out my faults to people before they can say anything negative to me. It's something I'm working on stopping. I don't think it's an obsession with you...I think you simply want to be real with people.
You make a good point. I only share things that I feel people need to know when they interact with me. I don't bring up decades stuff but if I have messed up royally recently I own up to it. We are not perfect so I try to be open if asked and I feel the person is asking to know the different aspects of me and not just to be nosy or gossipy. Lots of illustrations in the Bible of people who really screwed up, changed directions and God was able to use them. That can be us today too.
#4 is me exactly. Whenever someone pays me a compliment, I feel like simply saying "Thank You" is both conceited and dishonest. I have to tell them why I am not really that good.
I follow a need to know rule usually, but to make others feel at ease I am more open sometimes. Also I think we all are entitled to our privacy, whatever the word privacy means to each individual.
I talk about myself a lot but I try to use what I say as leading into some point of interest. It's just my nature to open up and it has caused me a lot of problems in this life. I liked to be liked and I feel liked when I get responses in conversation. Some people are open and some aren't. Kindness, understanding and love matter. The world is a hard place full of hard hearted people and we need to learn how to keep ouselves above their downward pull.
Sometimes I feel terribly guilty for past mistakes, but most times I put them out of my mind and focus on the good. As for telling other people, well, sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. I share more with people I am close to, and I'm not close to too many people. Compared to some people, I've got a pretty boring life, even considering those mistakes.
I tend to share "bad" things in a very deprecating sort of way...and I don't share when people hurt or anger me. I like to share the good things. And...I wrote about this today, which is sort of interesting.
I am not as open as you but am ope about being a short, fat, grayed haired Granny. I share a lot about my past in my poems and writings.
I'm just me on here and so I share experiences that happen to me. I don't talk about my past all that much though, but I like to focus on the present. If I am asked to stuff about my past, I will tell people.
Goodness..I just spotted this as I signed in.. [that 2 days in a row..and I am just back 2 days]....and we all have something in out past..things we did when we were young and 'blind' and immature..and we are still growing even now.[..'hopefully']...I empathize with your wanting to be a fix it type...and feeling others who think you are sweet..should know...I don't know you well..but I see from comments you have left on some of my Xanga friends in the past..you 'sweet'heart now..
and then. Love that Basil friendship quote up top..* Take good care....love..Lee
http://www.amazon.com/Transparent-Self-sidney-jourard/dp/0442782713
Have you ever read this book by Sidney Jourard? Sad to say he died while working on his car. He was crushed beneath it when the car fell off the jacks. Click the link and read the reviews to see that your ideas of disclosing yourself is, according to his thinking, a key to a good life.
If you poked around on Xanga to read all my comments, you might end up with a reasonably accurate picture of me, but I don't leave it all in one place. I'm not convinced any one person could handle it all. A couple of my problems could be classified as TMI anyway. :) So I drop comments here and there as the situation calls for it. I should probably start a whole new blog with a different focus, one that's more revealing. But that sounds like work and I'm LAZY. That's one fault I don't mind admitting too. :)
The past is an great learning tool
I sorta like feeling like I can be myself always. I have a friend who has admonished me several times saying I am to graphic or that I share to much. I have come to understand that God has made each of us differently and being open is a choice we must all come to a place where we simply respect each other for our choices. I for one choose to be like you open. I like not having any secrets I don't believe in shame it just doesn't work for me. I am fat and easily confess my sins not that I burden people with them but I sure don't have a problem sharing them either. I love feeling excepted for who and what I am a sinner forgiven and cherished by my Father.
Thank you for sharing I love coming here I feel very at home!Love You Christie
I'm pretty open about major passages in my life and share when it will help someone. My students know that I've been married twice (divorced and widowed) and that I worked in a substance abuse treatment center, as well as teaching and doing volunteer community organizing. That way, they can talk to me about problems they are dealing with, knowing that I will understand and may be able to help them connect with resources they can use.
I'm like @C_L_O_G I don't volunteer a lot of information about my past (I'm saving it for my tell all book lol!) but I am also not afraid of it, and will share things if I think that it will help another person. The past, for me, is useful for one thing only. Comforting others. (2 Cor 1:3-4)
Who I am now is who I want people to love. Who I was is how I came to be who I am now, but it's irrelevant. Hang with me and my current faults or issues will become apparent soon enough. But so will my better characteristics, since they are both a part of me.