May 16, 2011

  • When Xanga Feels Toxic

    We have a few new trolls on here lately
    and the ever present drama and name calling.
    Some folks have mentioned that they feel Xanga has become
     a little toxic or stressful.
    What to do?

    Yesterday I was at a birthday party pushing some kids on the swings.
    My little 3 yr old niece was sitting in the one
    that has room for four kids and she invited a little boy her age to join her.
    He did not want me to push them because
    I asked him to sit down before I would push it.
    When he realized that he could not make it swing without a push
    he sat down and asked for a push.
    As soon as I got it pretty high ,he stood up and said "I am standing".
    (he was not related to me)
    He defied me on purpose expecting me to yell at him, I smiled and said
    "Yes you are, I like to stand and swing too,
    but you need to be extra careful, it is not safe".
    He did a double take and because I did not bite,
    the thrill was gone, I took the wind right out of his sails and he sat down.
    After the swing he then followed me around and was my best bud.

    I think a lot of trolls are like that kid.
    They want to provoke people and they do.
    We can simply ignore them or block them.
      If they are not malicious we can have a little fun with them.

    I remember someone used the name "Weedsower"
    to post nasty comments in response to comments I had made.
    I was so impressed with the clever name that
    I replied back telling them I liked the clever play on my name.
    That was the end of it.

    I believe that we shouldn't get mad at them and feed them by way
    of angry responses because that is what a lot of them want.
    Why let them provoke you into doing what they want?

    In truth, awful things happen in life that will cause you stress, pain and sorrow
    that you can not control, and there will be more than enough of those times
    without adding to them.
    When you have a choice, when you can ignore it
    or walk away taking the high road , why not choose that
    so when the other times come that you do need to deal with,
    you will have the energy to fight, the strength to get through it.
    You can not fight every battle, we need to learn to pick the ones we fight wisely.

    There are so many wonderful people on here,
    if you look for the good  and want that,
    you will find it.

Comments (126)

  • Very well said. 

  • It has been crazy around here lately. It makes me feel...not ok.

  • A good way to handle these things! :)

  • I agree. Trolls will come and go! Xanga is what you make of it!

  • Trolls are only as strong as you make them.

  • I couldn't agree with you more, Beth. What a gem you are, my friend!

  • Wonderfully put. 

    As I used to tell the kids in my classroom when one would come whining about someone chasing them - I'd simply tell them, if you don't run, they can't chase you. 

  • Agreed 100%.

  • Trolls I can handle. It's people who are just plain obnoxious and mean that I have trouble with. 

  • Trolls really make up a very small percentage of people here, so I'm good.  Go check out some YouTube comments for your fill of trolls haha.

  • This made me smile. Well said, I completely agree. People need to hear things like this, because its so easy to lose sight when you feel like walls are caving in.

  • "Weedsower", that was kind of clever, and it shows just how dedicated they were and thought about you! lol If someone did a play on my name, I'd almost feel flattered.

  • I agree with this. However, long ago and far away, lol, I went to Friend's Lock.

    frank

  • I have a long standing "Please don't feed the trolls" policy. I admit there are times I falter, but for the most part it works. 

  • Right on.

  • BUT THEY STARTED IT!!!!

  • @Roadlesstaken - "Firstlol"

    Weedsower, really?  

    Did they even attempt to be witty, Beth?  lol - Come on, something more extravagant like "Blackthumb" would've been more appropriate, even if it doesn't have your name in it!

  • You have the patience of a goddess.  I don't know how.  I could use to learn something from you.  Wish you lived up here, I'd so rather work for you on your farm than this hellhole.

  • I agree Beth.  I ignore all the drama and nasty comments and nasty posts and just concentrate on the positive people around here.  It makes life so much nicer.  

  • I've been kind of upset about it myself.

  • Very true =)

  • props to you - you have more patience than most, but you're right - the trolls do seem to disappear if you ignore...  it's the unbridled arrogance of others that i find the most difficult to endure... but again - my own failing...

  • Send the trolls to youtube where they get an upset video response for their trolling efforts.

  • I must be blind because I miss all the down and dirty stuff

  • What trolls?

  • I know I'm not as invested in Xanga as in the past but really?  So silly, most of us are 18 and up I think and many people don't even know each other in real life.  What's the point?  I know I am on here to write my thoughts and read others, I just think starting Xanga drama is CRAZY.  I think I have only gotten sexual comments which I blocked, never nasty, but I guess I'm pretty noncontroversial. 

  • I should keep this in mind if I ever get a troll again. 

  • Beautifully said.

  • I agree with your post.  Trolls are trolls.  They are just trying to get a rise out of people.  I have a bigger problem with people that are being mean to intentionally hurt another person.

  • lovely, i completely agree. i feel that way about loborn. i don't understand why people who get constant (rude) comments from him just don't block him already.

    the trolls on here remind me of this kid i knew in middle school who used to do absolutely anything to make people mad, just to get the reaction. and would always pick arguments while refusing to back down (even when he was wrong). the best solution is indeed to ignore those types of people.

  • ahhhhh ahhahhahah "Weedsower"... 

  • The gods outnumber the demons.

  • I've heard that same advice since the day I arrived here. Maybe it works when you have a one-on-one convo. But not when the whole place is dominated by trolls. Xanga is toxic. And in the end, people leave because they can't take it. Saying ignore them sounds nice but it doesn't really work that way. I applaud your positive attitude about the place and wish you the best.

  • You are also a sower of immeasurable wisdom. 

  • A lot of Xangans are already emotionally fragile and suffering from depression. We don't want these trolls and cyberbullies to push them over the edge and commit suicide.

  • I haven't had any on my site but it's sad that people have to resort to that kind of stuff to get attention. 

  • I tend to have fun with it all.

  • @randomneuralfirings - so true

  • Only popular bloggers have this problem. Not jealous.

  • You are very wise, Xanga Oprah! One of the first things I learned here was, "Do not feed the trolls." 

  • You are so right.  I refuse to be sucked into these debates either here in xanga or in everyday life....

  • I agree with you.  I try to defuse situations.  I try to take the high road as long as I can.  Feeding trolls is like feeding bears.  Bears always want more and can become dangerous.  Not that trolls are as dangerous as bears. lol 

  • i put a stop to torll on my site  do you wount me to sade you from the troll

  • The trolls are only as strong as the people who feed them. Plus, it's the thing nowadays with the growing teens of the mid 90's kids. (I hiss personally) It'll be all over the internet now anyway. so you just ignore it or quit using the internet...:(

  • Well written and so true.  Ignoring them gives them a chance to take a breath and think about their actions and some of them turn out to be really good Xangas.

  • But he took my cookie!  

  • I really don't think trolling is as bad as it was in the old days.

  • Some folks have mentioned that they feel Xanga has become
     a little toxic or stressful.
    Hell yeah to that, I'm one of those folks. 
    Good entry.

  • the thing is when they attack a friend i won't ignore them because they keep coming back even when not responded to. these are adults. not little kids. in real life i have helped total strangers i saw being physically attacked several times. i'll at least stand up for my friends online. 

  • f you look for the good  and want that,
    you will find it.

    Very true!

  • yeah, i agree.
    people only want some kind of response from you.

  • I haven't gotten any trolls. I'm always left out.

  • There are no trolls. There are accounts that gravy and theo use to troll, they even have people to troll on their behalf. I am motivatef by personal gratification. I understand a lot of people don't give me attention, but in my case, to give others attention is better than not giving at all. Aaaaand, I say bad things because, it just goes to show how unforgiving humans are, and how quick to pull the trigger they are. For me xanga will be a place I can write. Honey, I aint gonna sell books, what other reason I gotta write fo?

  • That's a great bit of wisdom there.  Doesn't always work, but it probably does most of the time.

  • wise words, Beth.

  • Very good advice. You are very wise. I wish I knew someone like you that I could turn to for advice. I'm learning little by little. 

  • I feel sorta the same way, I didnt realize that Xanga was a religion war! haha

  • "Weedsower" made me laugh.

  • Beth, if you sowed me some weed I would love you forever.

  • @Coffee_Kaioken - Lol!

  • @Coffee_Kaioken - hahaha...

  • I agree with you. I don't pay attention to the trolls or drama on here. Great post :)

  • @Coffee_Kaioken - My brothers used to put the seeds in my moms house plants and they would sprout. My mom soon figured out what was going on.

  • @JeffersonJunior - I know, me too.

  • @seedsower - But you're grown up now! You can start again! It'll be Beth's special business! YOU'LL STRIKE IT RICH!!! I'LL HAPPILY BE YOUR LOYAL CUSTOMERRR 

  • total WIN!!

  • Bravo ... well said 

  • Dear Weedwhacker,

    You know you're not a Xangalebrity when you don't have a troll named after you.

    You've given me a whole new idea for a parody blog. (vanedave stole,er I mean came up with a secrets parody before I posted mine....)

    I think I'll create my own troll site....no, there's a Xangan who already does that. No time anyway.

    Mitchell C. Nudnik, braggart, special needs patient, fool

  • Unfortunately, most people believe it is a 'pride' thing, which i think its stupid but anyways. so by confronting them and beating them at their own game, they feel empowered by it, believing they are superior. Ultimately i agree, i normally ignore them or block them, but i never thought of taking it the bob marely way. I may have to try that in person too.

  • I never know what the drama is - probably because I don't often read the top blogs. The trolls are mostly trying to stir up some big controversy and I just don't buy into it.... you are so right that if you don't feed the trolls they go away... sort of like stray cats.

  • I agree. The more you feed them, the worse they get. I think, too, sometimes they just want to be noticed and don't know any way to do it positively. I guess it's like anything in life, ya take the good, spit out the bad and keep on going!   (((warm hugs)))

  • I say we call in Navy SEAL Team 6 to take them out back and bean them in the heads.

  • I used to get into a lot of those fights. It really is pointless. I avoid it now.

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  • lol. i have often given this advice in answer to real life drama... if you want drama, respond to drama with drama. it will multiply as you add to it. being nice costs nothing, really... and you feel better afterwards anyways.

    now if i could convince my monster temper of that fact... ;)

  • Well said.

  • i think 'block immediately' is the best way to deal with it!

    also, if you do a hate mail you're bound to receive hate comments! i know blogging is a form of expression and people have the right to say whatever they want but still it doesnt give them the right to be hurtful!

  • I must say that your post is absolutely well-written and I appreciate it. There are so many days that I could use this information and apply it to actual life. Thank you very much! 

  • Great post. Very wise and thoughtful.

  • Well said! There are a lot of people on here that just insult religions, looks, anything sensitive because they want a response. I agree with you, you should just not feed them! I guess the best way is just to be polite and not get angry, or just ignore them altogether. :)

  • Also, xanga is 100 times less toxic than Youtube. I'm pretty grateful for that!

  • some people have no life, and nothing better to do. i sort of feel sad for them... but not quite ;p :)  

  • Why did you write several paragraphs to sum up the number 1 rule on the internet? a simple "don't feed the trolls.jpg" would have sufficed.

  • Everyone's so willing to call someone a troll for posting an assertive, honest or abrasive comment. It's like going to a party and getting mad at the typically loud alpha male for being who he is. You're at a party; welcome to life. You're on Xanga; welcome to the internet. Xanga provides a veil of anonymity to people who simply don't speak so provocatively in person -- or maybe they do that too.

    Honestly, I don't think the problem is trolls; it's people who choose to take offense so easily or pull comments out of their written context. Of course, I'm probably just trolling now.

  • It's not that hard to ignore a troll... but where's the fun in that? :P

  • I laughed so hard at 'Weedsower'. That's some creativity there. Well, you are so right at this. =)

  • i guess i should feel lucky that i am obscure...and i know nothing about any of this.

    ps   seedsower. you are one of my favorites.

  • agree 

  • Brilliant way of handling that little boy.

  • @CaptFlapjacks - You make perfect sense to me.

  • It's the little attention seekers at the park that are bratty, but the majority are just enjoying the park... and same as the xanga trolls, such a minority, but they do get pesky... sounds like you've got a great handle on it.

  • This was a wonderful way to look at it:)

  • you have good parenting skills!

  • I know what you mean by the example of the child. Some people even as grown-ups carry on that behavior because they're so lonely, so bored with life that any attention is still attention. :) You're very bright.

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