May 16, 2011
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So,You Don't Wanna be My Facebook Friend UPDATED
A while ago I sent a friend request to an old friend, but she denied it saying
"i am sorry to say i really only use FB
for my long lost high school and college friends
that live far away. otherwise,
it's just too many people and too much crap on there. sorry!
i still love you. if you want to keep in touch here is my email address..."But since then I've seen she has 8 local
non school/college friends in common with me.
I have known her all her life and was close to her family.
She is a sweetie and we have always been good friends.
It really hurt me.Is it stupid to get upset over a website friendship decline?
Would you address this or let it go?
UPDATE: Today I messaged this woman because her grandpa is sick
and I didn't mention anything else I thought
"ahhh, just let it go."
Lo and behold, she sent me a friends request.
I accepted.
Comments (76)
She sounds high maintenance. I wouldn't even care to keep up with her so if it were me I would drop it.
Well that sounds dumb
Sounds like she doesn't really want to connect and keep in touch. I guess I'd just let it go, even if it would hurt me a little bit.
Sorry she did that to you. I'd be upset too. You just gotta think you're too good for her not the other way around. She is missing out on a wonderful person. Hugs!
Why did she even respond? If she had said nothing then you'd not give it a 2nd thought maybe...I don't know but it is like on Xanga when suddenly you are blocked by family and people you consider friends LOL rather annoying and just plain rude when no explanation is given, maybe even worse when explained. Rejection is difficult to take but guess that's life. There is nothing you can do about it is there? How could anyone in their right mind not want you or me as their friend! LOL
@Lucy_or_Ethel - I do not even use apps on Facebook and rarely post,I mainly comment here and there. ..and being blocked here is a shock!
Dear Beth,
Yes, it is rather foolish for adults to grouse over whether or not someone has accepted their "facebook friendship". I absolutely hate facebook, and personally I wish Xanga would delete the "friendship module". I much prefer the "subscription module" since this is a blogsite.
I don't even use FB (except to send an RSS feed of my Xanga posts for those people who have given up their Xangas but read me over there.) I just looked and have 19 "friend requests." One is from a Xangan who isn't even a friend of mine on Xanga!
When you "address" these kinds of things, it is my personal opinion that you start lighting little fires, which sometimes can consume you. I would never notify someone I wasn't accepting them. It's a website program after all. You can deny them without letting them even know you're doing it. Frankly, I just ignore most of them, and I'll "accept" one or two if I really know them.
I learned long ago that it's useless to use up valuable time and energy worrying about things that happen "on the internet." Relish the nice things. Be happy for the friends you make. Forget about the drama and the bad things. And ignore everything else.
Hang in there, baby.
Michael F.Nyiri,poet, philosopher, fool
I would certainly ask her about it then move on.
@baldmike2004 - good thinking, @seedsower - I love to play Scrabble within the FB app and play it daily.
@Lucy_or_Ethel - I like that too,I was thinking of the apps that post notifications!
@seedsower - If you would ever want to join me in a game of Scrabble let me know and I'll give you my info.
I would just ignore it. I don't think she is much worthy of a friendship. Facebook is for Friends and if she rejects you then she is not worth it.
@Lucy_or_Ethel - @seedsower - I'll be your friend on FB or in real life or in fake life or anywhere else. I'll play scrabble with you too. You don't need fake friends.
I'd let it go. Sometimes people just don't want to be friends. It sucks, but it's their choice, and we've got other friends. I'd still be open to email though, I just probably wouldn't interact as much just because that's not my email habit.
@baldmike2004 - beautiful...
Never make someone a priority when your are only an option!
Just blow her off! That was rude to go out of her way to give you a cheesy explanation, and one that contradicted herself, to boot. At least you know now what type of person she is! It would not have cost her a damn thing to accept your request. It doesn't mean she is professing her undying commitment to being your bestie just by accepting a request. So petty. You're better of without a flaky girl like that. jessayin'
just let it go ... focus on those who want to be in touch with you!!
@ilovepink@datingish - that is some seriously good wisdom! it's the gut-wrenching reality of realizing you're "being an option" that is the toughest!
@windupherskirt - Well when you realize that then should make ur decision easier.... why waster YOUR precious time!
Personally, I can understand why you'd be upset. I mean, it's a rejection to keep contact with you, is it not? A girl I know deleted me from Facebook when I apparently was a negative aspect of her life, but then when I confronted her about she was trying to play it cool, "It's just a a stupid social networking site." Clearly, it was important enough for to delete me though.
But just as if someone had snubbed you offline, it just proves that they're someone who doesn't bring out the best feelings in you. Just focus on the people who make you glow.
@ilovepink@datingish - i agree.
That's so strange. But does she seem ok when you see her?
On one hand, at least she gave you a reason why she wasn't accepting it... but in my opinion, I don't understand why. When I get a request from someone that I don't want to be "friends" with, I just ignore it... with no reason. Grown adults have no business being so petty... I tried requesting one of my cousins as a friend and she denied me. I tried 2 more times before I gave up... I'm not begging no one for their friendship. I'd view it as that: if she doesn't want to be your friend, drop it and move on. You know your worth, and it's not tied up in that one friendship. It's too bad she didn't accept it, but oh well. You are so much to so many other people. I <3 you, Beth.
Id let it go, its a shame that she would do that to you. Don't let it get you down!
that is just really really weird. If it was a good friend I'd feel hurt and left out too ...or maybe just disturbed since she did seem friendly in her explanation. Perhaps all this online suff doesn't mean much to her though, so she herself wouldn't feel hurt and didn't consider that you could. It would be sad to give a potentially good friend over a fb misunderstanding. I'd probabaly say that if there is something wrong, she can ( should) tell me, and find out how it was meant...
My response would be ....
"BITCH"
I have a Facebook account but I never ever use it. I'm sure plenty of people have been hurt by my non-responsiveness. I feel a little bad about it but also a little annoyed about it. Facebook is the devil and that's straight from God's mouth to my ear.
Chasing people won't maintain a friendship that doesn't really exist. I know by experience.
I'd say something like "I see you do in fact have fb contact with eight other non family /college people like me. A pity you don't want to make it nine. If you ever want to contact me, make an effort." I'd send that and forget the whole business. If she wakes up, all well and good. If she doesn't, you haven't lost anything.
When I first came to Xanga I was reading other people and would "friend" those that I enjoyed or felt a kinship too. One of the first ones I requested refused to accept me. I was floored and hurt. I didn't know her of course but I thought she was an interesting person. Needless to say she's not here and that's ok. I know your case is different but it brought back that feeling of hurt I felt at the time and I just wanted to let you know it happens to everyone sometime. Smile and the world smiles with you! And you have a beautiful one!
What a senseless thing for somebody to say. If they have some reason they don't want to expand their friends list, they can ignore the request. But, what the hell, how hard is it to just say YES when somebody you really know shows up?!
It's not stupid to feel upset over it. But there may also be not much point in addressing it, either. People do what they want to do. The only thing I could do in such a situation would be to stay in touch with her through other internet outlets and see how what came up.
What Mike said, if I followed him correctly. lol
Why would she even bother to reply? I think you would have most likely forgotten you sent the request when she didn't accept. It would have bothered me as well. It is very simple to ignore the game posts while still keeping up with every day life.
Yeah, rejection is rejection even if it is "digital".
I'd let it go. Something as little as Facebook isn't worth making a big fuss about. Just cut your ties with her and be done.
The complete thing sounded like a lie. A nice way to put you down without coming out and bluntly telling you, "No." I know because I've done something like that before, because I was too chicken-shit to just come out and say it.
But don't let it get to you. Obviously it means either 1) Just as she says, still keep in touch with her via e-mail address. Or 2) She's just one of those people who come in your life for a time and then leave. Either way, you'll be fine with or without her.
I would definitely feel hurt and disappointed.I say get over it and concentrate on your real friends
So sorry this happened to you and yes it hurts and is disappointing. It is her loss and our gain, because when you are not on FB with her we get more of your time here on Xanga where we really do appreicate having you as a friend.:)
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I wouldnt worry about it. I dont even talk to half my friends anymore. It makes me want to delete fb altogether just to see who actually care to try and keep up with my life. I use to care but now I realize its just a waste of time. Im not going to spend any extra time thinking about time if they cant think of me every once in a while.
Well I am a people pleaser and hate when people dislike me or reject me, so I am the wrong person to ask. It would bother me and I would probably obsess about it and I would probably write back something like this
Dear old " friend" I got you response and frankly I was shocked. I noticed you have local friends from high school that you are FB friends with, so your excuse doesn't hold water with me. I personally have never rejected anyone from being my Facebook friend, especially someone who I was once close to. So I am really having a hard time with this, Facebook is a social network, I didn't ask you to be my kids Godmother or ask if I could move into your home, I just thought it would be nice to reconnect, but whatever, you don't seem to be as nice as I remember, so I decline my offer anyway.
See I was all hurt for you ha ha.
Facebook has strange effects on people. Two people I know that have my email, sent me request after request, for me to accept their FB friend request. I think once is enough. People who like to show off how good their life is are violating some moral code in the pirate's book.
I would let it go, it's more than likely about her and not you. Even if it is about you, I love you.
That's pretty lame. It would make me upset, too.
She sounds like she isn't into Facebook that much. And she probably likes to compartmentalize things. Those 8 local people may have been people on there before she decided to use FB for a specific purpose. She does sound kinda prissy though. But she gave you her email. Shoot her an email and see what happens. Good luck!
I think that it was a silly thing for her to say to you and you should take it up with her. No one holds facebook as exclusively as that, you can hide peoples updates if you want an exclusive news feed. Maybe she's a bit computer dumb.
I would be very hurt. However I would like to ask, have you kept in touch with her in other ways previous to this?
I had something similar happen to me. Not sure why people can be such jerks. =(
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I wouldn't even give it a second thought. She isn't.
Meh! You're so popular over here it doesn't even matter anyway!
Maybe she doesn't know they're on there. I only let a few people from my hometown on there and my college friends. No one else. I found I had people I didn't even know were still on there (and found out it had deleted some people I wanted)
It's very odd, and rather rude that she would respond in that way. But it's not worth getting upset over. It's her not you.
I think it takes a lot of nerve and an overinflated sense of self importance when people deign to accept a friendship request from a long time friend. What is this double standard thing she has going on? I wouldn't even address it because she appears so self absorbed and shallow. I'm about 99% sure she just did you a huge favor. Who needs "friends" like that?
You're my friend on facebook!
I had a friend, who I thought was still my friend...But I noticed she wasn't my friend on fb anymore, so I thought it was a fluke since she was still friends with MY friends and MY boyfriend...so I requested her, and she denied me. I guess it's what I get for moving a few states away...find out who my true friends are.
Erm, I sent you a facebook request once back in the day, and you totally just left it there =/
LOL I still say that facebook is evil! Like someone not pushing an online button would make you not friends anymore. Pssshhh!
@Coffee_Kaioken - I did not deny it and it is not there ,what happened ? But it is different, you are not a close friend of my families and I do not know you in person.
@seedsower - This was a few months back, I think. And with those conditions you just provided, now I can understand why. That makes more sense.
I've never sent a friend request on FB. I accept most the requests for friendship that I receive there. FB isn't a big part of my online life.
It wouldn't bother me if someone rejected a friend request from me. I wouldn't take it personally. I've played online for too many years to take any of it seriously any more.
@Coffee_Kaioken - I did not see your request, I would have accepted it.
I have a list of 34 people waiting for me to accept them, if they are pretty with Blond hair and blue eyes they are automatically declined by her, (please don't judge her, there are reasons why). So needless to say I have 65 friends on there that are only family. Oh I did sneak in 5 others but they were either Hispanic or Asian. LOL.
I hate FB. I'm a xangan through and through. I want substance and not sound bites. I want friends that I have conversations with...
Hi Beth, sorry she hurt you! I would think it was her loss not yours! I like this some one posted for you... Never make someone a priority when your are only an option!
I think sometimes there are folks you just have to smile at and keep on truckin'! I would overlook it and just realize that she may have "one of those days" when you contacted her first. (((warm hugs)))
Well, that was strange. I find it confusing when people whom I see all the time don't accept my friend requests.
I believe I would have been upset as well. Some people are just strange I guess. But on the other hand maybe she is one of those that uses her email address for people closes to her and keeps FB mainly for those she doesn't want to share close personal information. She just maybe has it so she can keep up with their updates to glance at making sure they are still around. *shrugs*
let it go....
i started out with a facebook page to keep in touch with youth kids that we were being forced to let go. i didn't want another site to keep up with, and started it reluctantly. i was honestly annoyed when i got my first friend request from someone from my past. but, i can see the benefits now.
i honestly think that people use facebook as an excuse to NOT catch up with people personally, though. with that in mind, i attempt to interact as often, and with as many of my "friends" as possible.
perhaps she wanted some interaction with you... got it... and is now remembering how kind you are. or... perhaps she didn't honestly remember who you were... OR... she sent the message to you instead of someone else.
she has a pretty elaborate excuse system there, though, don't she? sounds like a huge guilt complex.
Sounds very silly and high maintenance.
Glad it worked out.
I'd friend you on facebook in a New York minute! I wouldn't let someone declining me bother me. It's just a website and not that important in the grand scheme of things. *hugs* I think it was rude of her to even say anything when you can just 'hide' friend resquests that you don't want to accept, and never see them again. Sorry you got hurt by it.
I've been turned down by people I thought were friends too.. I've also even been accepted and then unfriended..guess that was an easy way to get rid of me. LOL! I've stopped asking people to be my friend on FB. If they want me....they can do the asking.
I think she should have friended you since she did other people that did not meet her "criteria". If I get a request I try to check out the site to see what is on there and if it is not what I like I don't friend, as some people have inappropriate stuff on their pages and vulgarity and I don't want to be connected to that so I just click ignore.
Sounds like it was temporary insanity. I'm glad you didn't overreact.
i think that friend is too strict on her fb friend adding rule.. she should also look up on how to create friend groups in the friend editing section lol, she can simply add ppl she knows and sort them out in friend groups.. it only takes 10 seconds lol.
i would be hurt too if i were you. have you thought about asking her? well now that she sent you a request, i guess it's cleared up, kinda
last year several xangans added me on fb (i'm pretty lenient on my facebook friend requests.. i'll add everyone who sends me a request, only rule i have is if i'v enever met him/her in person, they go on my limited profile, they still see everyone except my daughter's/family photo albums). anyways so last year, several xangans added me, and i realized they deleted me off their friend's list, heck i don't even know them that well and i was hurt by that. makes you think why did they delete me for. i never asked.
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