December 20, 2010
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I love Xangans... Now Settle Down Already
Disclaimer:
Over the years there has been a LOT of drama on here,
many times it was between people I've really cared about.
A few times it has been between people who are particular favorites.
That is very difficult.This post is about all of it.
It is the time of year many of us promote "goodwill toward man"
and I was doing all I could to promote that
but still I was feeling a little depressed amid the strife.
If I wanted to say something to a certain person,
I would do that in a message, not a post.
Anyone who knows me knows I will and have.
I try to be straight forward whenever possible.
I meant this as positive,if it comes across as bossy or self righteous
it was not intended to be that way.
I am far from perfect and I am bossy sometimes,
please accept the good with the bad.
__________________________________________It makes me sad when you fight.
I know that where people are there is going to be drama.
Just is.
I care about everyone on here and it hurts me to see nasty things written about anyone.
Sometimes the truth or a correction needs to be issued,
I prefer to do that in private if possible.
I think that even spelling or other simple mistakes
deserve a private message not a public comment.
A public correction can embarrass a person and make them feel stupid.
If something needs to be brought to the public's attention,
present the truth and facts with the right motives.
Words intended to hurt someone hurt more than just the target,
they are contagious and spread like fire.
Not only words but attitude and moods rub off on others,
we so easily follow suit.If you do not like someone, you can just stay off their page, it's rather simple.
If you feel the need to blog about it to get people to agree with you
you may need some healthy self esteem.
EDIT: I added the word 'may' because I was called out about it and she was right,
not everyone is like me.
I want people to agree with me because it makes me feel validated.
I need to feel validated whether people agree with me or not.I know it feels good knowing that others have your back,
but please save that for emergencies and not petty drama on a public website.
And know that if you really need someone
I am one that will be there, if at all possible.There is so much negativity in each life that we spend years trying to overcome,
we ought to be encouraging and uplifting one another as often as possible,
not tearing one another downThis is a wonderful place for encouragement and friendship,
an outlet from stress.
Please, when possible, keep the drama private.
Thank you.
Comments (118)
Well said!
Cheers to this!
So true. I'm sick of the drama.
What you said.
Agree
I agree with this! causing drama, and tension is not the point of xanga.
I agree with your point. I do not handle things the same way you do. I also write about people in my blogs whether it be good or bad (and I can because it's friendslocked) for my own sanity. When I write things out that's just my way of taking the negative feelings and putting them aside for a while instead of carrying them around for however long. I'm just telling you how I think.
Amen! I'm not even part of the *inner circle* on Xanga, and I see the drama all the time. Good post, Beth.
i am tired of reading about it. lets blog about something else, please.
Bravo!
Yep, I agree. There is so much hate-mongering and name calling going on here right now it's making me ashamed to call myself a Xangan.
@seedsower - Okay. I see.
@RaggyDoll - I have blogged about hurts from the past already to help express it, I understand.
What I do not agree with is when someone is saying something intended to hurt someone else .
@buddly47 - Please, tell me where all of the trouble/fighting is. I haven't been having any fun lately.
Just kidding!!!
Psst, Seedsower. You're awesome.
Not that I comply with all of your beliefs here, but... I do try to behave, for the most part.
It has gotten out of hand here recently. Thanks for putting this out there
All the turmoil makes me so sad.
I wish the best for everyone....and I know they need to do what they feel is right...But, when it's stressful around here, I hide.
Thank you for what you said, and the spirit in which you said it. I know it's because you truly do care about Xanga and Xangans.
Hugs
You're one of those people whose name I have seen all over this site, but never really taken the time to read or get to know, which I feel I should.
But I do want to thank you for this post. It was necessary.
True!
My last post was on this same lines. Because of the meaness and disrespect of others on here is one of the reasons I've lost interest in messing with this place. I'm small enough now to where I don't get much attention now,so I just mess with it once in a while now. Merry Christmas Beth.Hope you have the best Christmas yet.
I've been on the receiving end of some of those posts. There is no other purpose than to be venomous, and I agree, it's very sad. I'm taking a Xanga break for a bit, but I wanted to tell you this is really a great post. Thanks for saying it.
Thanks Mornin Glorie...
well said indeed.
Thank you~
I'm too far out of the loop to even know what drama prompted your post, but I totally agree - I like Xanga to be drama-free!
Kathi
Amen.
Thank you for posting this! Xanga is a wonderful place with wonderful people and I am grateful to be here. Now lets all get along and simply stay away from sites where they want the hits from the drama.
So true.
Well said. We are all adults here and not 14 years old.
Isn't it kind of an oxymoron that corrections and/or criticisms should all be private? Isn't this a public blogging community? Sometimes when you are constantly attacked and berated, I think it's alright to vent via a public post. Why not? I believe in turning the other cheek only as long as you can stand it. There is a time to call someone a dumb ass or tell them to fuck off. That's life. I think it's perfectly fine to call someone out in public, especially if they've already done the same to you.
Oh my!! Was that some common sense just hitting the offering plate? Thank you for saying what so many of us have been thinking.
The negativity that has been running rampant on Xanga lately has really been getting to me, and it makes me sad.
@johnbean333 - I did not say "ALL" I said "If possible" it is not always possible is it?
I have stayed quiet even though Hilaw has written something like 10 nasty posts about me in a few weeks span. Like you said I had no need to recruit people into our disagreement. But when she tried to make people believe that I supported child porn, I had to finally say something. I understand and agree with the main idea expressed in this post , but there comes a time when you're forced to speak up for yourself.
@seedsower - you are correct, it's not always possible, i'm not happy about being a dick sometimes, but sometimes it's necessary. I think you are right about the self esteem thing with some people. It pisses me off that the one venting, hate post I did got more views, recs and comments than any other post I've ever done. I guess drama is popular.
Bossy, Bossy, Bossy! You make a nice hat, but YOU ARE NOT THE RULER OF XANGA! Why the hell are you telling people what to do? You have not even presented this as suggestions, you have presented this as orders.
.@RaggyDoll - I don't get what's with her ordering people around.
@ItsWhatEyeKnow - LIAR! You started EVERYTHING!
I don't know what Lena's excuse is and I say she doesn't have one, but the actual kids are out of college for the semester and I don't know why you expect something different from them (us).
@seedsower - I'm sure we do but some of us might respond a lot better to SUGGESTIONS then we would to ORDERS since you are not our mother.
@Sultry_Sally - You are correct,I am bossy sometimes,and I hope people take the good with the bad.and I said "PLEASE" which is a request not an order.
@Sultry_Sally - I am sorry if I came across that way,it was not my intention.
@ItsWhatEyeKnow - Leave my kid alone. How would you like it if I went around making false accusations about your kids?
Do you realize YOU YOURSELF are slamming people in this blog when you write:
"If you feel a need to blog about it you need to get some healthy self esteem."
How do you know that? Maybe the bloggers self esteem is awesome. That was a little jab YOU PUT OUT THERE, just to make you aware of yourself and how you're doing things right now.
A little xanga drama always makes life interesting. But I agree, not when it tears someone down.
I like the Christmas hats. How jolly!
I believe I know what you're talking about, at least what would seem obvious to me as I've tossed myself intentionally into the middle of a situation. It is one that I have been watching go on for weeks and weeks and when not out in the open, deceptively behind the back of a friend. It simply came to the point were I had to make a decision, to defend this friend or sit back and close my eyes to what was going on. The latter decision was not one a real friend could choose. I observed closely. I watched lies and venom being spewed where I didn't even expect to run into it. I watched my own words being twisted and I said nothing in rebuttal. I was even willing to remain quiet when I was told my objection to children being invited to show their genitalia somehow made me a sick person. I fully expected rumors to circulate that I was somehow the one who was sick in this regard. I was ready to deal with them if such rumors reached my ears from other's mouths.
I left every opportunity for someone to stop and voiced to this person in private that the other party had already done so. For some reason the olive branch was taken and stepped on, the ugliness immediately stepped up to new heights. Although I understand and appreciate what you are saying and wishing for, sometimes something does have to be done. Sometimes people have to speak out. Sometimes one has to say enough and stand up for friends.
Yep, it's much better when we all just get along.
@Sultry_Sally - It was really a reflection of why I do that in an argument, I do it because I feel better when others take my part,I want to be able to feel good because I believe I am right not because others agree with me.
@Sultry_Sally - Can you please take this up privately with Beth, it's a lot better than doing this over comments.
@RaggyDoll - No, because I see her as taking sides.
@Sultry_Sally - I think you're reading something that's not there.
Well said, well said.
What's funny and a little sad is that every single person involved in whatever little drama they have is going to read this and agree, possibly even comment saying so, and nothing is going to change. They're going to keep acting like children on the playground. :/
@seedsower - Well, the way you wrote the blog assumes that other people do things for the same reason you do. It's not true. The person who responded to It's_What_I_know's chronic attacks has excellent self esteem and you shouldn't assume she doesn't just because you do, right?
@TheSutraDude - This is not just about one situation, there have been so many . It is hard when you care about everyone involved.
@TheLizarellaProject - And a blog like this one is provocative.
@RaggyDoll - Nope, I read what was there the first time, and the second time. The tone of the blog changed, qualitiatively. I think Beth forgot to put "ed." I made a copy of the original and I appreciate that she toned down the bossiness because one mother is more then enough.
My other comment was to a direct quote in her blog.
@TheSutraDude - Right, and she's still attacking me today, that is Lena.
@Sultry_Sally - Listen it's not necessary to attack her publicly on her blog. If you don't like what she's saying then stop reading it and press the back button.
@Sultry_Sally - Are you assuming that I was writing about a certain person? If I was just writing about one person or one situation I would go to that person. I have seen many ,many fights between people I care about. This is just how I feel in general.
@RaggyDoll - I'm not attacking Beth!
She put herself right square in the middle of this. Nothing I have said isn't true. If you think that's attacking,
As for YOU, you are not so innocent of drama yourself or else you would just remain silent wouldn't you? So, how old are YOU?
@Sultry_Sally - I took your advice and apologized.
@Sultry_Sally - Square in the middle of what? Can she not speak about drama in a general sense?
I don't know what's going on between Hilaw and Lena and I don't care, I just see you bashing my friend on her blog so yeah I'm joining in words about it.
What does my age matter? I never said anything about your age or anyone else's.
@seedsower - Coincidence? If you say so. Lena has not been willing to let up on a sexy femal blogger who did not do a damn thing to her and despite many people asking her to such as sutradude, rushmore and many.
@seedsower - I understand and I used to consider this person a friend which has a great deal to do with why I stayed quiet for so long, hoping it would go away as these things usually do. I feel sorry for this person and if this person stopped I would stop immediately and forget the matter entirely. Believe me, it's not how I wish to spend my time. I totally understand your feelings too.
I'm with Kathi on this one...I missed the drama but that's okay. I'm not here for the drama at all! I went to a penance service today and the whole theme was about forgiveness and the penance for the congregation was to do 3 acts of kindness. Wouldn't it be wonderful if everyone would do just that.
@RaggyDoll -
See what YOU are doing? You are perpetuating the drama in the name of Seedsower.
I am making logical comments and I am not bashing seedsower.
@Sultry_Sally - I know. I came back to my computer and it was the first thing I saw.
@RaggyDoll - Actually, you are starting NEW DRAMA because now I don't like YOU! Yay for you!
@Sultry_Sally - I'm not doing it in her name, I'm doing it in my name.
@Sultry_Sally - Why should I care if you don't like me?
@TheSutraDude - It was the first thing I saw today too. Three attacks and ongoing attacks saying I'm not me!
Beth I'm out, I'm wiping my hands clean of this one. I hope you know you did nothing wrong.
I keep my general rule to not negatively blog about other bloggers... but my heart was still broken when grannyinboxers broke up with me..!
@ShimmerBodyCream - giggle
I just saw a comment to you above Beth and I agree. I hope you do not think you've done anything wrong. You've done absolutely nothing wrong here.
@Sultry_Sally - I will kindly ask you to refrain from name calling and swearing on my site OK?
@RaggyDoll - DUMB BUTT, because you are making it all public on Beth's blog! And "In her name, on her behalf, whatever!"
You wrote: I just see you bashing my friend on her blog so yeah I'm joining in words about it.
So you are attacking me on Beth's behalf, if you don't see the irony of THAT then your effing retarded.
@ShimmerBodyCream - Thanks for the smile!
@seedsower - I removed the swearing but the point is she was doing exactly what you asked people not to do and saying she was doing it for you. I don't know the person and she jumped me!
Thank you for saying this.
@ShimmerBodyCream - Understandable. Every body loves Ruthie!
Wow I feel I just walked into a soap opera. I don't have a clue what's going on or who is who! I am in a low state right now but this too will pass. I have found some people I read not to my liking so I just stopped reading them. Life is just too short. Keep smiling Beth.
@Sultry_Sally - Thank you,I added an edit to the post.
@seedsower - Thank you! I'm just getting my freedom legs, and this is the ONLY place I can be free to express myself! It's intoxicating!
@RaggyDoll - Thank you for saying that.
Hi. How's it going?
Well said, my dear!
I hope Xanga proves to be more drama free than another blogging site that I am a member of, but only time will tell.
This kind of stuff is just devestating to me and like a nutzso I read every comment! That was a mistake.
I'm hoping you have a good rest of the day and a Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year
Don't know what I missed now, and I'm probably glad I did. Bethie, you are a wonderful woman and I strive to be more like you. Thank you for this kind message. (((HUGS)))
yeahhh, do that privately.
There is a lot of holiday angst and depression for some people, so, as always, I'm not inclined to try to tell people what to do on their blog in the name of Christmas or anything else. I think people should be who they are and if they upset me, I don't go there.
@TheBigShowAtUD - A series of public attacks ARE very fairly met with a public response.
Just like in life "If you don't do office politics they'll do you" same as on Xanga because I can promise you, that for the people who are controversial blogers, "If you don't do Xanga it will do you."
If you would say nothing when someone is publically attacking you, that would be your decision, and your decision isn't necessarily only or always the only right decision.
I have no idea waht you're talking about,.. and it should probably stay that way lol
@johnbean333 - @Sultry_Sally - I don't really agree or disagree, but I do like your honesty.
@seedsower - I'm sorry you're having a bad day....
@armnatmom - Not a bad day at all,I appreciate their honesty too,I would much rather know where I stand with someone than have them think it but not tell me. When the cards are on the table you can work things out.
not entirely sure what I am missing on vaca, but glad i am. Merry Christmas Beth <3
I agree 100%
Xangans were right by calling you the sweetest person in here; if not everywhere. Much needed post! I especially love this part: " Words intended to hurt someone hurt more than just the target,they are contagious and spread like fire. Not only words but attitude and moods rub off on others" Pretty much sums it all up.
Thank you!
I love you, Beth. Your love for xangans is so obvious~ may we learn to absorb that beauty and let it radiate, regardless of our faults. (((big ww hug)))
Thank you for trying to bring a little peace to Xanga. This makes me grateful for being in an unknown, quiet little corner of Xanga. I don't follow the drama, have no desire to, and admire those who work to make this a welcoming community. You are a blessing. Thanks for being here.
You are very sweet, thoughtful and loving!!! Thank you for trying your best to spread love and care than hate and judgement! We need more people like you. <3
maybe you could get your good friend to settle down. you know LENA the woman that you feature every week in your Monday Magazine. She is the one making all the trouble. And she won't stop it. I cannot believe that woman is really a lawyer, I don't Diva, ain't no possible way.
piss off...JK! hahahhaha....
can't you talk to Lena? She doesn't seem to have anybody to talk to or anything to do.
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH I HATE EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!
I try very hard to stay away from xanga sites riddled with drama, but I know it happens. I am sorry you have to be in the middle of drama. Not good and I hope the drama resolves itself soon.
Amen!
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What! You don't like drama?!? Did you hear what Spazzz did to Aloysius_son?!? And what Tude did back?
Neither did I!
Good message! I tend to be hesistant to join online communities, and when I do, I try not to reveal too much about myself in fear of problems. However, as time passes, I tend to reveal more of myself. I try to settle problems privately, but if I have to complain about someone, I make sure the post is not Public. One reason for having an online journal is to tell my side of the story in conflicts.
Cheeerio!
Beth, simply put, you're a gem and Xanga's shining light. Thank you for voicing this matter in a gentle and appropriate way.
@Sultry_Sally - Yesterday you left several comments on my site about how excited you were that your daddy (new_dog) was going to dispel all rumors about him. Well he did make a video. But he DIDN'T dispel any rumors. A nice photo of the two of you together would do the trick though. You're in the same house on the same computer. You were excited about the upcoming video. Why didn't you get in the film beside your daddy? Or was that you doing the filming? Ha!
@New_dog - See the above comment.
@RaggyDoll - Thank you.
This was an excellent post, I don't think I commented on it before, but when I read it in my subscriptions, I got to thinking about doing a spoof drama post... Now let me at that pretty little head of yours...
@ShadesOfAnnie - I was never involved in any drama,I just posted that I would prefer to not see the mean things about others posted in public.