August 27, 2010
-
Oh No's to Pantyhose
Inspired by Saintvi's POSTIt was 1974 and I was 12 and I was going to the first dance in Junior High.
My mom, brother's girlfriend Ivy and I went to Boscov's
to look for an outfit a few hours before the dance
in the 'Young Junior Teen' department
(not to be confused with the 'Girl's' Department)
.
My mom, like a good Mennonite, did not like dancing
but she took me for a new outfit anyway, she was good to us like that,
allowed us to fly.
I think she waited til the last minute though, hoping I would change my mind.
I had recently been to Boscov's a few weeks earlier for my first real bras,
I had worn training bras before that and could not wait to wear a real bra.
That desire was short lived.I remember trying on a bazillion things and then finally settling on
a nice flared black skirt
that went just below the knee.
The blouse was a style that had just come out, it looked like it had a vest attached,
it was white double knit. Oh yeah, that polyester was all the rage in 1974,
popular with men too, they all wore those ugly double knit polyester leisure suits
Look, they were only $27.88. Imagine looking THAT good for under $30!
I got black and red platform shoes
and a black purse....
and my first pair of pantyhose.
I just had to have L'eggs because I wanted that stupid egg they came in.
I loved the outfit, I had to dress in the back of Ivy's 67 Rambler and she drove like a nut.
All went well til I got to the hose and then it went down hill fast.
I poked my toe through the pantyhose and had all kinds of runners before I even got them upand I never did get the crotch up...
I was all sweated form the process of twisting and yanking and
grabbing them in bunches and moving them up the leg.
I ran out of hose mid thigh and went back down
to see if there was more stocking to shimmy up, nope.
Every girl back then knew that shimmy process from the years of putting on leotards
which we called re-O-tards.
I could have tied those pantyhose over my head but that crotch was stuck mid thigh.I made it to the dance, stumbling as I went inside,
I had never worn heels before and I walk like a farmer.
I found my friends and we had fun dancing "The Bump"
and doing ''The Loco-Motion'' by Grand Funk which were popular that year.
We were dancing to Bennie and the Jets by Elton John,
Dancing Machine by The Jackson 5, Jungle Boogie by Kool and The Gang,
Rock Me Gently by Andy Kim, Radar Love by Golden Earring, Waterloo by Abba
and Takin' Care of Business by Bachman-Turner Overdrive.
I liked dancing with the girls but when the slow dance came up,
the president of student council asked me to dance, he was so cute AND in 9th grade.
He was stylin' with his light blue leisure suit and big collared shirt sticking out.
I was mortified, I ran to the restroom and hid.
From dancing and running to the restroom, the friction of the bunched up pantyhose
gave me one heck of a rope burn.
I have never worn another pair of pantyhose since that night.
It was a once and done kinda thing...
kinda like school dances...
my mom, she did not have anything to worry about.
Comments (100)
LOL, yes, they are a special kind of torture, are they not.
Still.....a ninth grader? *whistles low* You musta been stylin' and lookin' pretty as a rose.
Pantyhose are kind of like a test to get into the Girlie Girl Club that I never quite passed. I did manage to wear them successfully on a few different occasions, but I hated every moment of it. Much like high heels and make-up, it was just not meant to be.
You hid in the bathroom, eh? I did that once after catching the bouquet at a wedding when I was about 14. You know... Right before the garter dance.
@Automaton_Emotion - I do not own make up,I never made it into the girlie club ,except I do throw a mean tea party!
O h Lor dI have not worn panyhose in years either. I do not miss those awful things.
@seedsower - Wouldn't y'know that The Kid is extra-girlie? Yeah, it figures.
I know this torture! I swear no matter your size it seems there is never enough pantyhose to go all the way up. I think one time maybe twice I wore them without going nuts.
I hate pantyhose with a passion. So uncomfortable.
ahaha this is the best
UGH to pantyhose! Still, I grew up during the garter belt and stockings time, and they were pretty nasty too. But, NICE girls did not go about with bare legs. (According to my grandmama!) She also felt a girdle was of the utmost importance, because "Jiggling is vulgar!"
My own personal made up religion forbids me to wear pantyhose unless it is a funeral or wedding or the rare church appearance, and even then I cheat and try to just wear something long.
Love the story...I can see why you skipped the panty hose after that though.
I've been seen in a leisure suit, but it was back in the day. rofl
I had to laugh! I had to buy some panty hose when visiting for my sister's wedding - had worn my only pair to the rehearsal dinner and caught the knee on a table leg good-bye hose. So they had them in A, B, C and Q. Looking at the chart I figured I was a B. But there were no Bs. I had to chose between the A or the C -but wait they only had Black in A and that wouldn't do... So looking for C - not a pair to be found except for the ones that look like pressure stockings (also called support hose). So I bought Q. I'm short. I pulled those puppies on and pulled and pulled. There was a wad at the top of my thighs and a roll at my waist. It looked awful but the dress kind of disguised it... By the time the reception was over I looked like I had a disease - saggy wads of pantyhose at my ankles and knees. I wonder what happened to the group photo with me in the front row?
I hate pantyhose. And I didn't enjoy jr. hi. or hi school either. Those were hard years for me. I was so shy and so immature for my age. Now I'm glad.......it probably kept me out of a lot of trouble.
contraptions of the satan himself. that is one nice thing about living in south texas, we had the good sense to ditch pantyhose LONG before the rest of the US caught on. besides, they really are useless with cowboy boots
I'll bet you were gorgeous-no pictures?
Ha ha ha! Pantyhose are awful, but maternity pantyhose are downright EVIL. I had no choice but to wear them during my pregnancies, because I had to wear a suit to work. They rolled right on down the belly every time I moved and the crotch hovered somewhere between my knees and ankles most of the day. AWFUL!!!
Never understood how women got those things on or why they even wear them in the first place. Same could be said for men in leisure suits, too!
Wow...I love panty hose. I can't believe you didn't wear tights as a kid...they are much the same.
I never wear pantyhose if I can get away with it. Most of the time I wear long skirts with knee high stockings, or I wear pants with socks and sneakers. One of the advantages(?) of being a bit boyish, I guess, but I do remember similar incidences to that you described, when I was young and trying so hard to fit the role society seemed to expect of me.
I like a good pair of tights, they are thicker than pantyhose so they don't run as easy, and definitely more comfortable!
re-O-tards!! hahaha oh I wish I had come up with that!! I used to dance and I hated leotards and pantyhose. I still hate leotards and pantyhose. What a coincidence.
Ugh. I go without pantyhose as much as possible. I learned early--us Baptist-raised girls at Christian high schools HAVE to know the ways of the pantyhose--but I didn't like it! Made all my skirts clingy and my feet sweat. Bah.
@AlterEgo909 - WHERE do you find honest-to-goodness tights?! Everytime I go to a clothing store or my Walmart or something, they ONLY have pantyhose! I've tried so many times to find tights.
@Automaton_Emotion - Same thing happened to me. The closest I got to being a girly child was setting up all my stuffed animals to do school once a year (I felt bad for not playing with them) and never quite losing an affinity for dressing up (courtesy of my early exposure to theater from my mom). My daughter? Pink, pink, pink, glitter, Disney princesses (we don't even watch TV, just movies), kitties, and pretending that she's locked in a tower and the prince has to come kiss her free. WHAT HAPPENED?! lol
LOL i hadn't worn panty hose in years but bought some for my job interview and was reminded why i stopped wearing them.
thigh highs for me from now on.
I rejoiced at the discovery of thigh highs when I went to college and HAD to wear black pantyhose for concerts. Don't even have to mess with them when you have to go to the bathroom.
Dances and pantyhose, the torture of every young teen girl.
I didn't wear them when I wore a dress a few weeks ago...bare legs and heels, thank goodness!
I liked the Leggs cause of the egg container too. =p
I hate pantyhose. I feel trapped.
I remember my first dance. I went with my brother's best friend. Me 5' 0" Friend 6' 0" I threw up in the ladies room after dancing with his belt buckle the first slow dance. Then I called my dad and he picked me up and took me home. I was never so humiliated again. Never went to another dance that my brother went to again.
@TheMarriedFreshman - My grandmother got me great pairs from Xpress. They were expensive (as most things there are) BUT this will be my second winter wearing them. They are good quality. You can also get good ones at dance/fitness stores, or in the dance/fitness sections at Walmart/Target rather than the fashion sections.
I've always thought hose were one of the greatest deceptions ever perpetrated on women; someone somewhere convinced women that they looked better in them, and it went downhill from there. One of the stupidest inventions ever.
There was a great Guindon cartoon back in the late 1970s: a guy in a newsroom holding a phone and saying to his boss, "It's some terrorist group, claiming responsibility for the leisure suit!"
By the way, Beth, my friend Paul posted about denim diapers today. It reminded me of your baby string bikini post. http://pmerrill.com/2010/08/fun-for-your-friday-number-8/
@Roadkill_Spatula - I saw those diapers in the store,I think that is as useless as the pantyhose!
@seedsower - They could paint string bikinis or other lingerie on them for girls if they wanted to be totally crass. Wouldn't surprise me.
Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
social events at that tender age were traumatic for me too ... panty hose weren't invented until much later!
Long prairie skirts were popular~ so I could get away with wearing knee highs.
NEVER AGAIN.
lol. I don't wear pantyhose. but I do wear really opaque tights.
they are a pain in the butt.
I used to sneak to the school dances as a kid and in high school. I loved dancing but we weren't allowed to go to them. I did get my mom to cave for prom and formals so she would buy me pretty dresses.
@AlterEgo909 - Ohhhhhh, good tip. Thanks!
panty hose... sometimes I feel like I'm the only girl ever who doesn't have a problem with them.
@TheMarriedFreshman - The Mother's Curse. [cue ominous music] Every mother, usually in a moment of harried frustration, turns to their child, stares them directly in the eye, and utters this curse: "I HOPE YOU HAVE A CHILD JUST LIKE YOU SOMEDAY." In some cases, the cosmos decides that having a child JUST LIKE YOU isn't enough punishment. That's how we end up with children that are our polar opposites and like nothing we know; because nothing's more awkward than not relating to some major piece of your precious bundle's personality.
@Automaton_Emotion - I've got both. A girl who has the attitude I inherited from my mother (three generations of finger-snappin' eye-rollers, w00t!) and who completely befuddles me in her tastes. Drama AND the queen. All I did as a kid was the drama. Now I've got 4 yr old royalty on my hands! :p
I wear knee highs/thigh highs now..it saves me the trouble of wearing pantyhose, though I never did like them much. Though I'm not too girly, I do like some girly things..as I don't oppose to wearing makeup or getting dressed up too much. I don't mind it anymore. I used to hate it when I was younger though.
I loved reading your story! Definitely put a smile on my face. I'm the girl who rips her pantyhose before she even leaves the house, so I definitely know how it feels!
I liked the leggs eggs too mornin glorie...I made my husbands leisure suit - it was seafoam green - I think we turned it into a dog bed
LOL! Thats a great story!!
Living in MN I definitely wore my fair share of pantyhose and tights in the wintertime. I think around 16 years old I kinda said, "screw it" and never wore them again.
@DanishDoll - LoL at "Jiggling is vulgar." That is hilarious!
@TheMarriedFreshman - Lemme tell ya... It ain't no better when they're 16.
blech. saggy pantyhose are uber uncomfy!
Nice blog. =)
Oh Beth! I LOVED this because I had the exact same experience!!! I HATE pantyhose for these same reasons . . .I'd have to buy at least 4 pks for any event because I invariably stuck my toes or finger through while putting them on, and would spend the night with the crotch a good 2 or 3 inches below where it should have been and then would end up with all these rope burns. I absolutely refuse to where them anymore . . . the modern equivalent of an iron maiden, as far as I'm concerned. The only thing that makes me smile thinking back to those times was how pathetic those leisure suits were. When I finally got married and moved in with my husband, I had to clean out his closets to make room for my stuff and oh, boy, did I give him a hard time when I found all those leisure suits and platform shoes!!!
LOL Too funny! I hope the egg container made it all worth it for you.
I have not worn pantie hose in years goodness I can't remember the last time I wore a dress
lol at re-O-tards
As God is my witness, I'll never wear pantyhose again!
this story truly made me "LOL." even saying the word "pantyhose" grosses me out so i always say "stockings." and yes, they are a pain the butt.
I haven't worn pantyhose for years. They are so expensive and most of the time I only get one or two wearings from each pair..what a rip-off! And, I have experienced that rope burn friction from pantyhose, too. Another great reason not to wear them. Nowadays, few girls/women wear hose..Amen to that.
Christy
i used to have to wear pantyhose to church when i was little.it was quite irritating.
Just from the look of things, I don't think they're comfortable unless you don't move much.
Wonderful story. I've worn pantie hose under my long johns when working on the waterfront in Tacoma, Wa. during the winter............brrrrrrrrrrr.
I remember shopping with mom and her buying those eggs. lol. Sorry to laugh at your pain, Beth. I was funny though.
I used to hate the way pantyhose felt!!! I begged my mom not to make me wear them. And wouldn't ya know, my daughter loves to wear tights. She's a nut
I once committed a huge fashion faux paus when i wore black hose with a purple dress, and sandals!! ack!!
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