June 29, 2010
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Where Does YOUR Self Worth Come From?
I was going to post pics from a walk in the woods I took but
after I downloaded them I cleared them off of my camera, getting it ready for the next trip.
On Thurs my mom and I leave for saintvi's!
When I went to see the pics they were not on the computer!
I did recover them but it is still in the process.So instead of new pics
I though I'd share on of the most important "Life Lessons" that I know of.
True self worth.
Self-worth is what you are born with.God made you in his image.
As one of the creations of the universe you are worthwhile and have value,
which cannot be taken from you.
You can’t lose it, but you can lose sight of it. You can forget your value.
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We have a very distorted sense of our own worth.
I think one of the main ways in which we seek to feel worthy is in the approval of others.
I know I seek approval of others, that has been my main source of self worth for many years.
When I cook something that I know is good I still want others to taste it and say so,
but if I know it is good I should be pleased and not need someone else to validate that.
It is always nice to be complimented and noticed
but if I know that I did my best that is what should matter to me,
not that others tell me how well I did.A lot of women do not feel worthy or validated unless they are wanted by someone,
desired, not necessarily loved.
We all desire to be wanted
but for many of us develop an addiction to being wanted and needed.
I've seen young girls seeking out the attention of boys/men from kindergarten on,
needing the attention to feel worthy.
I also think this is one reason why teenage girls have babies and keep them,
they need the love and they are needed, mistaking that for self worth.We also seek our worth in comparison to others
You know how fat people will look at another fat person and then ask "Am I THAT fat?"
Why? So we feel better about ourselves, justified or validated somehow
if we are not the fattest person around.
Or women will ask "Is my ass THAT big?"
Or we stand next to someone who we think is really attractive and then we feel ugly
even if we were feeling good about ourselves right before that.
We continually assess our self worth by comparison to others."Looking outside of ourselves for self-definition and self-worth means that we have to judge people in order to feel good about ourselves."
"We were taught to have what we think is "Self worth" through judgment - better than, prettier than, smarter than, richer than, stronger than, etc., etc."
"In a Codependent society everyone has to have someone to look down on in order to feel positive about him/herself. This is the root of all bigotry,
racism, sexism, and prejudice in the world."
Quotes in Brown come from THIS articleTrue Self worth can only come from the inside.
It is not in who loves you, what others think or say about you,
how you compare, your accomplishments or appearance.
Your worth is in that YOU ARE!
Comments (60)
self worth comes from God it is something He gives you from birth but it is also something that we have to work on keeping each day
If people could see how valuable they are, regardless of accomplishments or appearance, we'd treat ourselves and each other so differently! Being made in the image of God is an amazing thing.
I want to say this, because I feel in my heart that it's true.
You are such a beautiful person, on the inside and on the out. You have the absolute kindest heart, and I feel very lucky to know you. It's always a pleasure to read what you have to say, because it's always so kind and caring.
That being said, I love your post. Because... I have such a crappy idea of my own self worth, this is a tear jerker post for me. Thank you....
Sometimes it's hard to remember that. I find my self-worth ruler changes. Most of the time I'm okay with the intelligence ruler, but sometimes I'm not. The physical ruler is particularly challenging right now. I want to focus more on being kind than having melt downs about how I look. Crap, I'm getting choked up.
I know that is all true...but I wouldn't know the first way to apply that to my life... =)
I have tried many times to take back my self worth from the hands of society and the approval of others around me. Trust me, it's not as easy as people say, and that's coming from a boy/man. (Moy?)
For so many many years, I felt my handicap had destroyed my very self-worth. All I felt about me is worthless. Then after I realized there is more I can see about myself than feeling self-pity and worthless, I decided to choose I am more than being a handicapped. Yeah, sometimes it takes a lot of self-evaluation and learning oneself for a person to realize his/her worth. It doesn't need a perfect place or a perfect time to go and find our worth. Because the treasure we are is just right within our heart- our very soul where our true nature resides.
This is truly a great post! Thank you so much for sharing us.
The universe knows what it's doing : ) If I could rec this a gazillion times, I would : )
"Looking
outside of ourselves for self-definition and self-worth means that we
have to judge people in order to feel good about ourselves."
Wow, that statement is very convicting to me. Wonderful post, Beth; something we can all learn.
Well, obviously self-wroth is an internalized feeling; it is self-motivated and self-sustained, after all. No one has any concern for self-worth beyond their own being.
Now, as far as objective worth, well that's when things get philosophically interesting...
I learned my self worth when I stopped caring about what those supposedly closest to me thought of me.
It wasn't easy letting go, but I am so I glad I was able to.
Excellent post Beth.
I make up my own self worth and pretend I am cooler than I really am ..
this is a really great post
My sense of self-worth is more rooted in what I believe a loving and gracious God thinks of me. Unfortunately, I just don't have the capacity to think that I can truly be an island of worth unto myself. I am a relational being, and I know who I am in relationship. Relationship with God, relationship with others. This does not mean that I cannot have a strong sense of myself in relationship with others.
It's really hard not to allow others to determine your perception of your self worth, though.
@Nance1 - Yes it is! almost impossible sometimes.
Beautiful post!
Ive had shitty self-worth for as long as I could remember (like many). I've always been my weight. The only time I didn't hate myself was when I was 95lbs. (Im 120 now). It made me so happy about myself and I feel like I'm always chasing that feeling. I dont think Id ever get down to that low of a weight again (I hope I will though). Still chasing after it. Someone told me if I got down to 90 Id meet a nice guy.
reading a post like that will surely make anyone's selfworth atleast bump up a little bit. I'd rather have a girl who dresses in sweats and a beater over a girl who wears name brand clothing from the best stores. You are always beautiful in my eyes, its only a matter of time before you see it too.
This is beautiful, Beth! I wish, somehow, fashion magazines would latch onto this idea and stop trying to cram ideas of perfection into the heads of our young women--young girls, I should say. Beauty is NOT what they preach. An idea of self worth is so much more valuable.
Very good post. That is what I have tried to instill into Elita after learning it over the years for myself. I try to remember that the only opinion of me that matters is what Jesus thinks. It has been a maturing process but I am glad I have learned this lesson.
Have fun on your trip and tell your mom I said HI!!
Tried to click on Vi's link but it would not come up. Where does she live?
Thanks for the comment! I have gone from 201 when I started the job at the hospital in Housekeeping down to 180 now but stuck in a plateau. Trying to get down to 175 with the end goal of 160 by Sept. Taking it 5 pounds at a time and weighing just once a week. Going more by how my clothes fit.
Very nice!!
Amen! It took me many years to come to that conclusion, but when I did it was very freeing. Do I know Saintvi? Did she go by another name here at Xanga in the past?
Yes, I used to think this; I really did. I was like, fuck you, get away from me or I'm going to go for the third cup of diet coke whether you think I'm greedy or not. Then, I realized that everything everybody else thinks really does matter and that my self-worth is usually measured in the eyes of the predator. I tried perception like stuff from one. I tried spirituality. I tried inner happiness--and joy. I ever tried abusing concerta--until they took it away, but alas, even the attention I received from them not refilling my bottle, didn't fill my soul with glee. And it's just as well because I reached my meltdown phase shortly after, not the byproduct of concerta but time. Because I've been concerta-free for months. Time has no meaning to me. So now, I guess I'll find my senile happiness in painting, poetry, long reads and gentle arts of self-expression, being a cranky old woman, Satan and getting my letter since someone was stupid enough to dip into my worthlessness, I can dip back. Eventually, I'll decide to off myself, but I'm still in the sunset of life.
@worthlesssoul1980 - you should do what the beam tells you and lose 45 pounds. It's like, I don't even have emotions or care. I only do what I do out of rage. Okay, so "only perfection will survive." So... I'm only for this life. I died.
People are stupid. Do what you do. I'd say, lose 10 or something then be content. 95 is ridiculous for most people.
@CynaraJane - She has always been saintvi,she used to mostly comment on Theo's in the beginning.
@seedsower - I guess I don't remember her then. LOL
Here is one young lady that has found her self worth. You can check her out at http://chloe-agnew.webs.com/ Chloe Agnew of Celtic Woman continues to dazzle audiences world-wide and has been a member of Celtic Woman since she was 14 yrs old. She doesn't let her weight take control of her performance or her personal life.
@DeRossettphotography - Wow,she is incredible!
And after how you suffered so to get those shots! Self worth... Hmm... I struggle with that daily, although less now than I did when I was younger.
@Aloysius_son - My blisters are getting better!
This is all well and good, Beth, but I think it's an uphill battle. Society is relentless in its message that you're not good enough if you don't look like a movie star, or if you don't live in the right neighborhood, or have the latest, greatest gadget. I wish there was a way to make people get it . . . Don't get me wrong . . . I agree 100% with you, but I wish I knew a way to really make people believe it. Big hugs to you for trying.
@jacksoncroons - I know it,I struggle with this too, that is why I remind myself of it every so often.
Yep. It is hard but I have come to the point where I just don't care what others think of me - I like me and God loves me (and so does my mother). So armed with that I don't do too much worrying about the judgements of those other folks. It lets me wear lime green and polka dots without hesitation. I'd wear a swim suit but I turn into a crispy critter and I sink like a rock... instead I'll wear bells or a silly hat or a hat with bells... I wrote about this awhile ago. Great post! (but you already knew that!)
Bravo!! Excellent post dear heart.
yes, indeed. I also get my self worth from strong coffee.
this is some powerful shit. i'm glad i read it.
I don't believe in God, but I have a really good sense of self worth. I think it's from all the years I spent alone, to scared to socalize. Then I went to a whole new school in ninth grade and everything was different. For a year or so, being new and all and trying to find a good place to fit in, I tried to gain everyone's approval until I realized how ridiculous it was to do so. I also realized people gravitate towards you when your confident and kind. They want a piece of that, and I would definitely try to help them.
I'm nothing like I was, thank goodness, but I really do have an enormous sense of self worth. Of course I want to impress people, and I'd like the approval of my parents, there's no one I need it from. I haven't felt that in a long time and I have no intention of going back. I mean, I got my SAT scores back the other day and by many other's standards they would be fine, and I could get into virtually all of my colleges like lehigh, villanova, etc., but even though it may be totally pointless to do so I'm redoing them for my own benefit. This is how I treat everything.
You don't need God to realize you're worth something. That comes purely from within you. From how much you're capable of loving yourself, faults and all, and being open to becoming a better person through challanges you may not expect. And even more so, bettering yourself for no one's approval other than your own because you know what you value and what you feel is right.
This is wonderful and thank you for sharing it.
A beautiful & insightful post!
this is such a great post. Loving it!
You know what.. I agree with everything! By the day you are here on the Earth, God has given you your own distinctive value. Self worth does not always need to come from compliments.All of us are different, unique. We have our own talents, and most important, in God's eyes, everyone is just as valuable and loved.
Awesome post.I'll carry those words in my head,forever.
I think of myself as pretty thick skinned. Not letting too much bother me. Last week or so I noticed a link to my old high school on FB so I went to it. There were several people I recognized from the popular crowd (i was not in that crowd) and a few that were just good friends. I added them all. Several days later I noticed that my friend request was denied by the 2 popular ladies while the others accepted.
This surprised me that people still behaved this way (I'm 45 years old) I would have hoped we'd all grown out of it. Later that day I mentioned to my older daughter that it had really hurt my feelings which I realized was completely silly. She suggested that she might not have remembered me. I pointed out that she lived across the street from me for 12 years and they both were good friends Lol!
So in spite of how teflon coated I may think I am, I guess I'm not. Those little slights still matter even though I'm surrounded by the best and most loving people in real life. Oh well!! :)
If you take a good look at the people that seem genuinely happy in their lives - happy with who they are, happy to celebrate the lives of the people they love, quick to find the beauty in others - they all seem to lack that human inclination to compare themselves to others. It's a great character trait to strive for! Not easily attained but a amazingly worthwhile goal to work towards!
We may be 'born' with self worth, but it 'can' be taken away, or at least be prevented from growing, by your parents. I believe we have to learn our self worth as children. In my opinion, babies and toddlers don't know their self worth, they learn it from their parents. Unfortunately, many parents destroy that self worth and teach their child that he/she is worthless, useless, unlovable and unwanted. The child is constantly compared to cleverer siblings/cousins etc and always comes out as being 'not as good as'. Self worth and self confidence are crushed,
the child learns that they are wanted - not for themselves - but for what they have and what others can get from them, eg - the comment, "the other kids only want to play with you when you have your toys out". In other words 'it's not you they want it's your toys' ! Add physical, mental and sexual abuse into the mix and the result can be far reaching and last a lifetime. It's no good then trying to tell them 'God loves you' they can't grasp that concept ! Love is something they know nothing about !
Some parents 'do' destroy their children !
came here off of a recommendation and so glad I did. Great post! I'm always having to remind myself of Psalm 139!
Great post. Thank you.
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